Welcome back to a new week of videos! We’re starting off this week with our Kpop Music Monday on BTS and BAP. Sorry BtoB fans: that video just wasn’t our cup of tea. It’s a shame, though, because if we included them, we could have talked about how you can rearrange their letters to spell Batost, which is close enough to Batoost in our hearts.

But on to more awards for things we didn’t talk about in our Music Monday!

And the award for the worst English goes to: BTS

We’re not talking about the song here. I’m talking about the written English. Boy in Luv? Skool Luv Affair? Spelling like that doesn’t make you look cool. It makes you look like a dummy. Cut that out already.

And the award for the least interesting symbolism goes to: BAP

Sorry guise. BAP’s done these “I try to be deep with symbolism while I cry all the time” videos before with Rain Sound. I’m married and in a happy relationship. I don’t want to pull meaning out of symbols for sad relationships, because even if you looked at Bang Yong Gook digging around a rib cage and think “OH that represents a heart” it doesn’t add anything else to the meaning of the video, since it’s already about being relationship sad. ZZzzzZZ. You can say the same thing for Illuminati symbolism, which people can dig for if they want, but that kind of analysis bores me, as does the symbolism for videos like this.

Artsy symbolism in Kpop videos isn’t really that original or interesting to me. You might have to find someone else to tell you that this is a masterpiece. You won’t find high praise for that here. TOP’s “Doom Dada” is an example of something more meaningful.

And the award for the most cringeworthy name goes to: Rap Monster

This is the worst name I’ve heard in all of kpop. I’m sorry. It’s even worst than Teen Top’s “Emotional Vocal.” See, I grew up listening to hip hop seriously. To hear someone in a Kpop boy band call themselves Rap Monster makes me feel so much embarrassment that I can’t even say the name out loud. Anyone who is into hip hop as much as I am, if I said to them “hey there’s a member of a pop band who calls himself Rap Monster” they would also feel embarrassed. Sorry guise. Maybe the perception of Hip Hop is different here than where I’m from, but, oh man it burns me with awkwardness. Rap Monster? I don’t care if you’re good at rapping or not: DON’T CALL YOURSELF RAP MONSTER. Are you friends with Hiphopopotamus and Rhymenoceros as well? Is Lyrical Wizard and Mic Checka both a part of your rap crew as well? Hey, is your crew called “Rhyme Time” or “Master Rhyme Blasters”? OH GAWD STAHP PLZ STAHP.

Bloopers

We got em. Surprisingly, not that many from when we were out humping things, because we were totally professional and on point at that time. We did have, however, people walk by and stop to look at us humping furiously, and then give us thumbs up. They approved. Hopefully, you did, too:

 

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