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Our Biggest Fight Ever – TL;DR

May 16, 2012

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This weeks TL;DR is quite the gossip mill question…let’s all gather around the water cooler (or the Coway Water Dispenser) and talk about Simon and Martina fighting over stuff! OOOMMMGG!!! Last week, they, like…totally…disagreed about…that song…and Simon was like…”Ducky, you’re the best” but I could sense sarcasm hiding under that comment of…affection. *cough* Alright, so we don’t fight. It’s not like we don’t have disagreements. Of course we do, but we don’t do that whole dramatic yelling and fighting and rushing out of the room in tears and stuff. When we disagree with each other, we both maintain the perspective that we don’t want to be fighting, so we try to come to a middle ground or understanding as soon as possible.

The biggest disagreements we have are over creative differences since we both have different perspectives on scripting ideas for our movies. When that happens we argue like coworkers rather than as a couple. At first, it was something we had to discuss so that we knew we weren’t attacking the person personally as a wife/husband, but just as one co-worker being critiqued by another co-worker. It wasn’t easy, at first, because it’s a confusing and bizarre position that we’re in, but we’re used to it now…kinda!

If you’re having problems with fighting, we both read some awesome books on how to discuss things without causing people to feel offended, either close up, and/or explode. Here are the little tips we have!

1. Never use superlatives such as “always,” “forever,” “every time,” “never,” “constantly,” “not once,” etc. For example, if you are angry and you tell someone that “they are ALWAYS late” they will feel the immediate urge to correct your sentence since they will feel like you’ve over exaggerated, since maybe they’re late 80% of the time. They’ll defend themselves by suggesting that your accusation is not true! They’re not ALWAYS late. And how could say that? Thus, the whole focus of your point is lost. Instead of using a superlative, you have to practice re-wording your claims, for example, “I’m just feeling a little upset right now because we’re currently running late, and I don’t feel comfortable being late.”

2. Always remember that you are on the same team. Act like you’re teammates and you have to work together or else you’ll lose the game (the game of…Life?). Don’t treat your relationship as one-on-one, as if you’re on opposite teams, playing defence against the other person’s attacks and working for a different goal. Use terms like “we” and “us” instead of just “you”. Don’t try to bully them into changing or agreeing with you by proving they’re wrong.

For example, “I’m feeling a little upset right now because we’re running late. What can we do to keep this from happening again? Can I help you pick out your clothing ahead of time, or perhaps we should wake up earlier? What do you think we can do?” This is the kind of thing Simon would say to me (Martina) because I’m the tardy one. When he says something like this, I feel like he wants to work with me to help me be on time for the both of us. If Simon feels stressed out at being late, I don’t want him to feel this way, especially if he wants to help me improve myself.

Here’s how Simon could have said it that would have really got me mad. “I’m feeling a little upset right now because you’re making me late again. I’m always early and you always do this. Why can’t you just get up earlier?” That would piss me off. I know that I’m in the wrong, I’m the one running late and it is totally 100% my fault, yet wording it this way just causes irritation. “If being late is such a big deal, then go alone without me! ARGHHH!” Not a good way to start a night with two divided people.

3. Give two good statements for every one bad. If you’re having a big discussion where you’re bringing up lots of faults and problems about a person, it can be a pretty crappy feeling to have someone list all your failures. Instead, we rely on the 2:1 ratio. For example: “You look super hot right now, I love that outfit on you, and your hair looks amazing, but I’m feeling a little upset right now because we’re running late. What do you think we can do fat head?” Actually, leave that “fat head” part out, but feel free to include any other important cute nickname you use! You can see how it’s pretty hard to be really mad at someone who is complimenting you but still trying to help you improve yourself.

Of course, we didn’t meet each other and immediately start talking with the above tips. We both came out of different relationships that had left us with some baggage – as most people do when they meet new people – and it takes time to realize that the new person you’re dating is not the last person you were dating, so doesn’t react to everything you do and say the same way. Communication is the key. If something ticks you off, you should probably let them know right away rather than letting it build up to a random explosion. And communicate it without sounding like a screaming psycho because NOBODY reacts well to being yelled at, especially bears. They either run away or attack you and you don’t want your boyfriend or girlfriend to do either of those things.

So remember! YOU ARE TEAMMATES! Make up a team cheer! We totally have one which I will not type for you because it’s all inside joke gibberish that will translate very poorly, but whenever one of us feels grumpy or down, the other will sing it and it takes us out of our rut right away. If that doesn’t work, there is always interpretive dancing to Xiah’s “Intoxication”…can’t stay mad at ANYONE dancing to that song.

Now we’re gonna stop sounding like Dr. Phil. Thanks :D

Side note: this is gonna be or last video of the week. Turns out we’ve got more than just interviews to plan for the upcoming Google Kpop Concert, and we’re spending today and tomorrow preparing for it, when we usually spend those days WANKing and editing our WANKing. Sorry! Then we’re on a plane Friday to Canada, then to California on Saturday. Meaning: no time for KpopCharts, K Crunch Indie, or Music Monday either. This is gonna be the last video up for a good week or so. Sorry guise! We’ll be in Canada from Tuesday onwards, and we’ll be back to making videos then, though our schedule will probably be lighter than usual because we want to spend some time with our families. We’ll let you know more in the future :D

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Our Biggest Fight Ever – TL;DR

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  1. ( I get confused as to who wrote what! :)) ) You’re such nice people! :)

    5 years ago
  2. Korea has a different aging system. When you’re first born, you’re automatically a year old, and instead of turning a year older on your individual birthday, everyone turns a year older at the beginning of the year (January 1). So you add 1 year to your American age if your birthday has already passed for the year and 2 years if it has not to find your Korean age.

    Sorry, I know this question was directed to S & M, but I just thought I’d help since I knew the answer. ^-^

    5 years ago
    • Wow that helps a lot I was confused on the aging system, so its like a Birthday for everyone in the whole country, also do you know if you are 19 in America would Korea allow you to drink because you could technically be 20
      -Thank you ^-^

      5 years ago
      • Yeah, it confused me at first, too. From my own reasoning, and based upon what I’ve heard, I think Korea would allow you to drink if you are considered legal according to your Korean age, despite your American age. I’m not sure though. And you’re welcome! ^-^

        5 years ago
      • I was curious about that, too. When I first heard you had to add 2 years, I was like “What?! O_o”, lol

        5 years ago
      • Yeah, it confused me at first, too! From my own reasoning and what I’ve heard, it seems they would allow you to drink if you are legal according your Korean age (even if you wouldn’t be legal by your American age), but I don’t know for sure. And your welcome ^-^

        5 years ago
  3. For TL;DR 
    Hi ^^ You guys probably have some great experience’s with the various fan groups through kpop music monday and the kpop charts. Who’s more passionated, who’s strongest and who wouldn’t you want to meet in a dark alley after criticizing their idols? And questions like that :D Thanks! 

    5 years ago
  4. I wish Simon and Martina could be my parents because my parents always fight. 

    5 years ago
  5. I have a dream .. One day .. I’ll get an awesome relationship like you guys! T_T 
    P.s: can you come tutor my parents a little …? please ? they really need it ==’ 

    5 years ago
  6. Wow~ wisdom words of EYK :3

    5 years ago
  7. TL;DR Question: Is Korea another type of Japan because on of my friends went to Seoul and she’s say it’s another Japan is it or is it not?

    5 years ago
  8. Hi  . . . I’m from Brazil. I’m so in love with Korea’s culture and I’m addicted to your videos. Love you both °(>__ó*

    5 years ago
  9. and next up, it’s the Simon and Martina relationship advice show *cue recorded clapping*

    seriously, you guys are so awesome… i hate you both… but only in the most loving, i-am-seriously-jealous kinda way ^_-   i think you are pretty much the ideal relationship model and your barfy moments usually tend to make me go “awwww…”

    i hope that neither of you ever gets hit by a car, or eaten by zombies… carry on!

    5 years ago
  10. lolol, you guisee are so keyyute..i hope when i get married to have a relationship like this..my parents argue a lot..i’m used to it, but i don’t like it =P

    5 years ago
  11. I was wondering for the next tldr can u tall us yur experience in california what does it to feel like seeing live other than the music videos, and other experience u guys have since it was yur first time being in california ;)

    5 years ago
  12. This is a really random question, but I’m going to Korea next year, and I’ve heard from a number of sources telling me to bring lots of toothpaste with me because Korean toothpaste is a lot different from the American variety and “not as refreshing” do you have any thoughts on this? 

    5 years ago
  13. Martina, I’ll help you kill the zombies

    5 years ago
  14.  Does Simon ever steals your clothes Martina?

    5 years ago
  15. Can’t you combine the two greatest pizza toppings and have a pepperoni and pineapple pizza?

    5 years ago
  16. are those the animals of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry???  Someone is a Harry Potter fan???

    5 years ago
  17. okay this is random but what are your blood types? lol I kinda believe blood type characteristics

    5 years ago
  18. what’s spudgy’s story? does he have a juicy love life or a troubled past? OMG stop talking about yourselves and bring out da dog!  Everyone who loves spudgy like this comment!

    5 years ago
  19. If you (Martina) were to colour your hair blond, would it turn out to be yellow or blond, because Asian people have dark hair and I imagine its hard to colour them blond. Maybe they use hair colours that are more yellowish than blond?

    5 years ago
  20. Do you ever get sick of korean food (Asian food) or is it so good that you dont miss the food from your home country at all?

    5 years ago
  21. I’ve never had an argument with any of the girlfriends I’ve ever had before, so I totally feel the same way :) that sad thing is that everything you’ve listed as advice is the very same advice I’ve given, and, honestly, I haven’t really seen other people utilize it :/

    5 years ago
  22. How did you guys meet?
    I’m REALLY qurious about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    5 years ago
  23. when going to california, simon should stock up on ranch :D

    5 years ago
  24. WHOA. Martina, you and I have the same shirt. <3 

    5 years ago
  25. POOOOOOOP!!!!
    Okay now that I have your attention, I’m sure somebody could tell me what ILLUMINATI is..
    I’ve seen it all over the comments and I don’t really understand it.
    Quick explanation please?! ccc:

    5 years ago
    • didn’t see it in the comment but originally The Illuminati (plural of Latin illuminatus, “enlightened”) is a name given to several groups, both real (historical) and fictitious. (from Wikipedia).
      also there’s a movie The DaVinci Code 2: “Angels&Demons” that has illuminati secret society in the plot.

      5 years ago
  26. What I’m wondering is that if Korea is so obsessed with education and students go to school constantly and the culture is be educated or else.. who works at Mcdonalds? Like who are the equivalents of American high school dropouts who work in fast food or departments stores all their lives? Who does the menial labor? Does this even happen in Korea? Are there those sort of class distinctions between those that go to college and those that don’t? Sorry if that’s to many questions at once haha

    5 years ago
  27. I was wondering… What are your opinions on when K-Pop fans ship the band with each other, like 2min, JongKey, Eunhae etc… What do you think of Yaoi fans?

    5 years ago
  28. How is public displays of affection handled in Korea?…because in the US I’ve seen a lot of people kissing *cough*sucking face*cough* out in public like it’s completely normal

    5 years ago
  29. TL;DR question – I’m sure that when you guys first moved here to Korea you never envisioned the success that eatyourkimchi would become, and how it would change your lives.  Where do you guys see yourselves in 5 years from now?  How long do you think you’ll be in Korea, and keep up your blog?  I’ll be moving away from Korea soon, and I’ll miss it a lot, but I know that it’ll be okay because I’ll get my eatyourkimchi fix every week;)  How long can I count on you guys being my main source of all things Korean?

    5 years ago
  30. i have curiosity e-e ,  do you guys have plans for  a baby soon? sorry for my english , i’m bad on the writing xd   

    5 years ago
  31. Love this! I can honestly say that you are two are such a great example on the internet. One small step for normal, healthy relationships, one giant leap for bloggers!

    5 years ago
  32. I have the same shirt (Martina) 

    5 years ago
  33. good….job…!!…^^
    i want your happy….^^

    5 years ago
  34. Ahhh you can sort of hear an accent with Martina here–sounds like what I used to sound like..justI was more Minnesotan lol
    Seriously though. Talk to my parents.

    5 years ago
  35. I applaud you guys for now fighting often. My fiance and I both have fairly short tempers and have a lot of stress from work. We fight all the time, but mostly because we have so much frustrations from outside our house.

    Anyways, here is my question for you guys. I know that plastic surgery is more popular in Korea than the United States. But what is the general view on it? How many Idols really get surgery? Is it hush hush like the US, or are people open about it? And how much of the general public actually get plastic surgery?

    5 years ago
  36. Hi ~  I visited Seoul last year in August & I thought the weather was horrible! it was sooooo warm & humid… & I’m visiting Seoul again soon so could you do a video on how to survive the hot Korean weather? ^o^

    5 years ago
    • I was just in Seoul and the weather was getting hot a humid.

      Basically what I did was put my hair up, wear cool clothing and I bought myself a super cool SHINee fan that was only like 1 dollar.
      The fan really helped because it gets really hot down in the subway with all the people and there are no breezes, so I would just stand there and fan myself.
      Carry some water with you in like a purse or something and stay in the shade when possible.

      :D

      5 years ago
  37. Simon, your t-shirt is awesome!!!

    5 years ago
  38. Wow!!! I´m envious Simon and Martina, yours is truly love!!! Hope you stay forever like this!!! Love you guys!!! 

    5 years ago
  39. LOL at us, Little Kimchis, getting mushy and lovey dovey because of this TL;DR.

    *sings Narsha’s I’m in Love*

    5 years ago
  40. you guys are the most awesome couple ever! i really hope that when i find the one i love, we will be just like your guys! really, thumbs up for ya

    5 years ago
  41. Have a great time in California and back in your home country, you two!

    5 years ago
  42. TL;DR: martina,have u ever had a dream where top took you on a date or treated you as his girlfriend? (don’t get offended simon XD) 

    5 years ago
  43. quick q:
    Do S&M look at only youtube comments or do they look at these comments as well in determining the next TL;DR question??

    5 years ago
  44. i wanna meet both of u someday and give u a big ass hug. u guys are sooo awesome!!!!!! love how u posted tips for us and they make so much sense!! ill remember that and try to follow them next time im angry at someone =]

    5 years ago
  45. What a great approach. That’s the kind of relationship I want (and have had) too :-)

    And Simon is right – Hawaiian!

    5 years ago
  46. I think that you guys are amazing ♥ Please keep the love forever (I think I am gonna show this to my friends and family, so they can see that you, a young couple, really understand what marriage or relationship means, like, I liked you guys, but now you are my favorite couple, and role model for my future)

    5 years ago
  47. YOU GUYS ARE ADORABLE!!!!=) not to sound all mushy haha but i have exactly the same relationship with my bf..we are both in college (different schools but both in the same city) so we only see each other once a week and we have been together for almost 5years now…most of my friends/or ppl in general are always like “don’t u get bored of each other?” or “don’t u guys fight a lot?” its annoying because its so “normal” to fight i guess but we don’t fight we just have disagreements..basically everything what u guys said haha! im just really glad to see this in others too! I wish u guys even more  years of happiness!! =) <3

    5 years ago
  48. Hiya!

     My question for the next TLDR is how long will you stay in Korea for? Do you plan to live there for the rest of your lives, go back to Canada or do you wanna go to other countries around the world and blog about them? Also it would be cool to know what your favorite K-Dramas are…Hope you like my questions, and thanks for making awesome videos!! Maria

    5 years ago
  49. You are really an inspiration in any field. I wish more people knew how to communicate, instead of exploding for any trivial little thing.
    Random comment : Simon, I LOVE your Tshirt ! Hogwarts all the way !  ^o^ By the way, do you consider you are a Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Slytherin or Ravenclaw ? An what about Martina ?

    5 years ago
  50. Does Simon ever steal you clothes, like, your pink socks, for example. And does Simon ever wear Eye liner?

    5 years ago
  51. True role models.

    RESPECT!

    5 years ago
  52. Do you guys ever make fun about photo’s from your child time?

    5 years ago
  53. I realise that this might mark me as a bad person and/or a bit of a perv, but I blame the fact that I watched this first thing in the morning while still somewhat groggy from not having slept to well.

    But anyways, my first reaction about the bit about TOP was totally like:
    “How the *bleep* does Martina know TOP’s “size”?” and thinking back to this earlier TL:DR
    http://www.eatyourkimchi.com/the-most-awkward-questions-our-students-ever-asked/

    But the i realised she hopefully wasn’t refering to his “size, size”. Given the general levels of prudeness (is that a word) that seems to exist in korea i find it very unlikely to come up in like an interview….

    5 years ago
  54. I wish more people were like You – starting with myself of course ;) 

    But what about lying – do You ever lie or always say the truth? ^^

    5 years ago
  55. I LOOOOOVE YOUR SHIRTS!!!!!!!!! so coooool <3

    5 years ago
  56. This is like my relationship with my bf. We don’t argue because there’s no purpose. If we do get mad, annoyed, or whatever negative emotion, we separate for a while and then talk about it. And I agree with your #1 whole heartedly, I’m not one to use superlatives but if I do, I tend to retract my statement. lol! But yay, for treating each other as equals!

    5 years ago
  57. I grew up feeling like marriage was an awful thing for so many reasons, but you two are such a wonderful influence…I feel like I can have hope that I can find this kind of marriage…You guys rock…and spudgy too.

    5 years ago
  58. you guys are the like the perfect example of a working, loving relationship, represent good marriages everywhere! :D FIGHTING!

    5 years ago
  59. Can you tell us the stories about your tattoos? How you decided which one, where and why?

    5 years ago
  60. I wish my relationship was so good as yours :( I always argue with my boyfriend over anything…  

    5 years ago
  61. Hey S&M, here is my TL;DR question: what are Korean views on different races? The reason I ask is because I notice that most of my Korean friends’ family members don’t like certain people like Japanese or African American. Is it a thing with some Koreans or is my friends’ family members buttholes?

    5 years ago
    • I love your question! I’m half korean, half mexican. But I’ve only lived with my mexican fam, so idk how i would be viewed if i went to korea.

      5 years ago
      • Wow seriously de.donde eres seamos amigas también,bien soy de México. (:

        5 years ago
      • Hi Chaerin! Just saying, when I write fanfics, I always make my female character as half mexican-half korean. I never met a real Korean-Mexican, though! So when I saw your post I was like, hey, Korean-Mexican actually do exist! :D 

        5 years ago
  62. Have fun guys, but seriously! This article is amazing~~~ You guys really have one of the best relationships ever, and I feel like I can learn a lot from you guys 

    5 years ago
  63. is…. is it weird that i fangirl over you guys?

    5 years ago
  64. Why can’t my parents be like you guys? D:

    5 years ago
  65. Guys, thank you so much for those tips! :)

    If you join on person that lives in São Paulo (kinda stressing) with some italian blood, you’ll have someone that, if starts arguing, won’t stop NEVEEEEER
    Ok, I don’t do that to everyone, I do with my mother because I know she’ll always loves me :D (hahaha totally stupid thinking, but…)
    Well, I’ve been improving with the years, now I can improve more :D Thanks again :)

    5 years ago
  66. Enjoy! so sad u aren’t doing the review for Junsu’s Tarantallegra  anytime soon

    5 years ago
  67. Have a superb time in Cali!! Give all the kboys my number :D Also I just wanted to say I’m very very happy you two have such a wonderful relationship. You guys are so cute together :)

    5 years ago
  68. Awww. Simon’s so sweet. Martina is so cute. You guise. *sniffle* I love you.

    5 years ago
  69. Yes, yes yes to all of this. My husband and I have the same mind frame as you awesome and lovely couple. We never fight—like you said Simon, we don’t see the point in it because we care too much about each other to risk hurting the other. Yes we have some small disagreements, but it never, hm, tarnishes(?) our feelings for each other. We talk it out calmly (controlling emotions ftw) often laughing it off. If ze hubby is a tiny bit upset about something, I tend to pull a cutie face or funny face and his irritation disappears. =3
    Repeating a bit more, but I also agree that if you know what makes your sugarplum not a happy panda, why throw it in their face in any way?
    You two clearly do it, but something else my hubby and I do is remind each other in some way every day (several times) that we care and love each other. For instance if my hubby is tired, I’ll give him a massage or scratch his head (he loves this), without him asking. Don’t always wait until your honey-bunch asks you to do something for you, do it because you care about them.

    5 years ago
  70. O.O Your t-shirt, Martina I want it!!!!

    5 years ago
  71. D

    You guys are amazing♥ You two are so much like my parents. You have the same exact views on relationships as them. I swear I hear them when you talk. How lucky am I?
    That’s a reason I love you guys so much. I don’t think you can fully understand the huge impact and importance in having a good relationship role model like you two. I swear I’ve got the best role models ever :)
    You posted some pretty sage advice there. I want to send this to all of my friends.
    Plus, this has got to be the best TL;DR! We love when you guys kiss :D

    5 years ago
  72. Hi Simon and Martina! *waves to Spudgy* We know that K-pop, J-pop, C-pop, etc. are increasing in popularity at an incredible rate within and outside of Asia. (I mean come on, I’m on that bandwagon! XD) Well, I want to know what it’s like on the other side! My question is: from what you’ve experienced, how popular is foreign music in Korea and other places that you’ve visited? (If you can comment!) I’ve always wanted to know!

    5 years ago
  73. I’m curious because you didn’t mention it….but what were the names of some of the books that you guys read?  

    I have major communication problems.  And I’m always looking for ways to improve that.  A big thing is I don’t always talk in complete sentences (Not on purpose mind you), we call it “Amber Talk” because I’ll have to repeat the same thing in different ways until I get to the EXACT meaning I was trying to convey…weird. 

    Anyways…my point is, I’d like to read some of these books.  I’m married, and we don’t actually fight, but I would like some pointers on communicating…cause, as I mentioned above, I suck at it. XD  

    5 years ago
  74. Dear Simon and Martina,
      I have a TL;DR question: How are Korean and American dating styles different? Do guys normally do aegyo and hold girls purses?   Thanks,     Anwen

    5 years ago
  75. so… why does simon has sucky taste in pizza? :P

    5 years ago
  76. lol off-topic I knew someone in Canada who said sorry the exact way Martina said, I don’t know where they were from but it definitely seems like you guys had the same accent…. and reminds me of Gilbert from the tv adaptation of Anne of green  gables. XD

    5 years ago
  77. TL;DR
    1. I go to an early colege school (graduate in 5 years with an associates and high school diploma all free of charge) and i was wondering if anything like this is in Korea, or maybe any special type of schools yo u wouldn’t normally find.
    2. You mention where to by books in Korea but what books do you reccomend? What is yor favorites and what are the worst you’ve read? Certain kind of genres, any must-haves, etc.   

    5 years ago
  78. *le sigh*  I wish I had read this about 3 hours ago. My boyfriend and I just got into a big fight because for the 3rd time this week he showed up to pick me up 40 minutes late. I really hate waiting and I sort of lost it on him. Oopsies. Thanks for the advice, you two are quite inspiring. I will try to be more like you two in the future! :)

    5 years ago
  79. someday i hope to have this kind of relationship with someone ^^

    5 years ago
  80. These are all very valid points and I definitely agree with how two people choose to communicate in a relationship plays a vital role in the happiness of both as a couple. However, what happens in instances where one person in the party wishes to communicate but the other does not wish to do so and prefers to close up instead? OR if one wishes to come to an mutual understanding through communication but the other party member feels that simply taking a break from the relationship with no formal discussion will be more beneficial? I guess what i’m trying to ask here is, what to do when two people have very different ideas on how to communicate and how to handle problems as a couple?

    5 years ago
  81. This was seriously awesome. Me and my hubby rarely argue, and when we do it’s because of stress due to our educations or because we haven’t eaten…and then we eat and stop arguing lol. But yeah, showing this to my hun and we’re totally gonna start doing the zombie-apocalypse thing, since we’re huge fans of zombie-lore and love The Walking Dead etc etc. And Martina, I have trouble sleeping too after watching/reading zombie-stuff/scary-stuff..I usually make my hun watch something funny afterwards with me so I can sleep better, like stand-ups or Futurama. Okay, enough ramble, you guys are super cute together and amazing blogggers! Because of you guys, I wanna go to Korea, so I can eat cheap street-foods too.

    5 years ago
  82.  Only a Sith deals in superlatives.

    5 years ago
  83. you guys are so cute

    5 years ago
  84. I do agree in that couples just say the wrong thing to each other. They let the heat of the argument let them speak rudely and express in ways they didn’t mean to but they never correct themselves. Also, I feel like when one argument gets heated, they bring up the significant other’s entire past history of “wrong doings”.  I also feel like a lot of couples fight because they have pride. I mean self confidence is good but sometimes they don’t want to be in the wrong cuz they want to prove in the end that they are right. They’re so busy with being right, they forget the effect of the fight has on their relationship. Sometimes you just got to swallow your pride because like you guys said, you guys are on the same team. This isn’t some roommate quarrel. You married for love and you love each other. Try to hear out what the other person meant or what they “really” meant but came out wrong.  OR they are really stubborn people who refuse to see things from the other side of the spectrum because in their mindset, what they are thinking is right, only right, it’s the one true solution/answer and everything else is wrong and illogical. I just hope I don’t meet a guy like that because my father is the latter and he’s…just…not a pleasant person to be around. I don’t want to tip toe around my father like my entire family does lol. 

    5 years ago
  85. You know there’s a place in England where you can act out a zombie apocalypse. Y’know, so you can make Simon practice ahead of time and allay your fears!

    5 years ago
  86. I love this video! People always look at me weird when I tell them I don’t fight with my husband…ever.

    5 years ago
  87. jia

    i am printing the tips out and am gonna keep it with me for the rest of my life ..and maybe share it with my friends who keeps breaking up with their boyfriends over trivial things.. you guys are an inspiration for other couples :)

    5 years ago
  88. TL;DR
    How much awareness of animal rights is there in Korea? (For example: many countries have on the packaging of cosmetics a small drawing of a rabbit which means the company is not abusing animals. Is there anything similar on Koreans brands? How can I tell if the company is cruelty free?) 
    Does being a vegetarian in Korea considered weird?

    5 years ago
  89. That’s how this world should be. There shall be NO fighting!! X3 Let there be Peace to all couples. NO FIGHTING IS THE WAY to gooo. Pika!! ;3

    5 years ago
  90. I always wondered a little if my boyfriend and I behave like a “normal” couple. we never fight, many of our discussions take hilarious directions and don’t make sense at all, we’re always teasing each other to no end and when we get all lovey-dovey it’s pretty weird. but after seeing so many videos of you two, I noticed you are just like us! really, there are so many similarities.
    so it seems like my boyfriend and I are doing it right after all *laugh* hopefully we will stay together for a long time as happily as you guys! <3

    5 years ago
    • God bless you and your partner. I love reading about these kinds of happy love stories. :)

      5 years ago
    • D

      Aww, that’s so sweet! :) I hope you two are together for a long time too.

      5 years ago
  91. I love the Harry Potter shirt!!!!

    5 years ago
  92. OMG you two are so sweet!!! awww

    5 years ago
  93. Hi Simon and Martina! For my TL:DR, I have a question about hair color. I notice in the K pop videos and K dramas that everyone colors their hair to various degrees of “bronze” and of course the K pop people choose whatever color of the rainbow they like at that time. Also, in the U.S., many Korean Americans color their hair. BUT, when I see videos of “everyday” current Korea and even in some of your videos, showing “everyday” Korea, I don’t see many Koreans with colored hair. Just the same black. How common is hair coloring? 

    Thanks you guise! ^_^

    5 years ago
    • from my perspective: A lot of people dye their hair….but it really depends on WHO. Older housewives (who are a little on the upper middle class) do it but its usually natural colors like brown, dark brown, maybe auburn highlights, etc. Young people dye their hair too but its usaully in teh natural spectrum like brown but there are a few who will go with a crazy hair color like orange, blonde, or those grayish blondes. But most of the teens stick with black because in Korea while you attend elementary, middle, high school, you can’t dye your hair. It’s the school rule. 

      5 years ago
  94. Coming from an immediate family where there are NO married women because they’ve been divorced, this is really inspiring and gives me hope that I’ll find someone and have the relationship like you guys :) Thanks for sharing!

    5 years ago
  95. have fun on your trip. 

    5 years ago
  96. i have one question! could u tell us how did u both met the first time? hahaha!

    5 years ago
  97. TRUE LOVE INDEED. SO JELLY. ; v; but super aww!

    5 years ago
  98. Are you guys planning to have kids in the future? :)

    5 years ago
  99. dear martina,
    as long as simon loves you can i take TOP for myself?

    5 years ago
  100. What were the books that you read? I would be interested in checking them out.

    5 years ago
  101. hahahaha at Martina saying she was so sad for 5 minutes!!!!! hahaha!!!!
    I SAY MARTINA’S PIZZA WINS!!!!!!!!!!!! hehe….
    and aaawww you guys are so sweet!!!

    5 years ago
  102. Forever wishing I end up with a partner like Martina. So cute. And puffy.

    5 years ago
  103. You’re my ideal couple haha. You actually make marriage seem like a good thing (my parents are divorced) and that is rare to see these days. 

    5 years ago
  104. omg you 2 are just sooooo sweeeeeeeeeeeeet~ <3

    5 years ago
  105. My ex and I should have managed our anger!!! Thanks for the advices! <3! 

    5 years ago
  106. You guise read Dr Rosenberg’s books?

    5 years ago
  107. this just makes me like you guys even more.  you cool! :D  

    5 years ago
  108. I don’t know, but you sounded (both on camera and here) like a fight is necessarily a dramatic and yelled fight. Very different things, in my opinion. To me the former is a very strong discussion, to the point that something must be done to surpass what’s seen to be unhealthy to both sides — kinda like a crisis –, while the latter is full of childish behaviour more than everything else.
    But maybe I got this wrong, maybe it’s a cultural disagreement.

    That said, I can’t even grasp the concept of a relationship where there’s never the urge to fight over different positions on a subject. I’m pretty confident we can’t control every aspect of our mind and body (or behaviour, whatever you prefer), especially the ones that touch disappointment, anger and overall aggressiveness (is this a word?). I believe being aggressive is necessary at some point(s) of our life. And by “aggressive” I don’t mean being brutal, but rather going straight to the point that you want or need to go, regardless of whether it will hurt the other one or not, when you believe it’s 100% needed, be it by the other one, be it by yourself, or both. Generally the last resource, I think.

    Don’t get me wrong, though; I’m not saying I disagree with you both (it’s not a matter of agreeing or disagreeing anyway). I accept the possibility of a “fightless” couple, it’s just that I can’t figure it out myself. I imagine it gotta deal with a LOT of self control, and IMHO way too much control, I don’t think it would benefit me in the long run.

    However, it makes sense to imagine this needs also a LOT of *good* communication skills, which you surely have. I agree completely with your tips, especially this one: “If something ticks you off, you should probably let them know right away rather than letting it build up to a random explosion”. This is practically the most important “law” of relationships (of any kind) I adopted for every one I hold.

    Also, I believe less stress nowadays almost certainly leads to happiness in general — even more when in a couple. So, even though I don’t understand you, I say: Congratulations!

    (Sorry if my comment is too confusing, English isn’t my first language, there may be something lost in translation.)

    5 years ago
  109. i read this and it’s really helpful! I think everyone should discuss their problems like this :)

    5 years ago
  110.  I’m really curious. Do you guys have Ex Girl/Boy-friends? If so, who? Could you make a video for that?

    5 years ago
    • Ha!  That’d be awkward:

      “I dated ____ from grade 10-12.  We broke up because of ____”  

      Yeah, that wouldn’t make for a good vid…

      5 years ago
  111. You two are perfect for each other ;)

    5 years ago
  112. i always think that it depends on the personalities. I think it comes down to this sort of thing – are you the sort of person who would still send ‘meaningless’ flirty texts to another person when you are in a relationship? (im not saying this is right or wrong btw – its just a personality type) cos if so – prepare to have a relationship where you fight alot. (this isnt the only issue, just an example).

    5 years ago
  113. yeah finally another couple never fighting! keep it up. 9 years married and still no fights… Will they break our record?

    5 years ago
  114. Last week : Simon #foreverallone with spudgy kissing him *-*

    5 years ago
  115. What would you say those those who claim couples build strong bonds or 정 after many non-severe & non-life threatening?! fights? Cuz I think that’s partially true… but perhaps doesn’t apply to every couple?

    5 years ago
  116. wow. 16 new comments were posted in the time it took me to watch that video

    5 years ago
  117. Thanks so much for the advice S&M. I realise I have a bit of an anger issue when it comes to boys because I feel like they don’t understand me, but I will take in these tips and hopefully relationships with improve now =)

    5 years ago
  118. Pepperoni and mushroom! XD

    5 years ago
  119. Is it weird to say this was quite inspiring…? For a lack of a better word lol
    You guys make great points to remember~ ^^ I hope I can end up in a relationship like that one day~~ ;D

    5 years ago
  120. TL;DR question:
    You guys explained a long time ago the meanings and usages of oppa/unni/hyung/noona and sunbae/hoobae. But what does one use when the person they are talking to is a stranger or someone they just met, and the person is not a sunbae/hoobae? And also, is there any other way of calling older friends without using said names?
    P.S.: I’ve read about the existence of -sshi but I have no idea when that is used.

    5 years ago
    • you should try talktomeinkorean.com. im pretty sure they already have lessons covering what you just asked.

      5 years ago
  121. Maybe you should talk about your exes. HAHAHAHA, I kid. :)))

    5 years ago
    • hahahahaha last week, my mother finally destroyed the last few pictures of my dad’s high school girlfriend…  Exes are MADE for married people to fight about.

      5 years ago
      • LOL, your mom is the boss!!! So what did your dad say? lol

        5 years ago
        • Ha, she found the pictures while he was gone so I don’t think he’s noticed (or if he even cares by now).  Though, if he did care, my dad is finally smart enough to not say anything at all.  It only took him twenty years or so to figure out that one…

          5 years ago

        • my dad is finally smart enough to not say anything at all.”

          For some reason, that made me LOL. HAHAHAHA. No offence to your dad though. :)))

          5 years ago
  122. I love your harry potter shirt, Simon!!!! <3 
    Hmmmmm, my TL;DR What do you guys think about entertainment companies not giving music and acting stars any down time between a slew of interviews, concerts, practice sessions, recordings and events that can last for months and months?

    5 years ago
  123. Guys, where is Namsan Tower?

    5 years ago
  124. I think the two of you need to sit my parents down and have a talk with them. Relationships… you’re doing it right, haha. 

    5 years ago
    • OMG I’m so scared of my parents fighting I actually run upstairs and hide in my room after dinner and leave the house as much as possible.

      5 years ago
    • ^^^^ THIS. A LOT. I can’t stand my parents sometimes ugh

      5 years ago
      • TRUE! My parents don’t get along well either, sometimes I even wondered why did they get married in the first place. -___-” 

        5 years ago
  125. Guise, if ever you fight, how does Spudgy react? Is he Team Mom or Team Dad? lol

    5 years ago
  126. yay~ will you guys do a meet up while in canada? ^-^ haha since i live in GTA  

    5 years ago
  127. My TLDR: What do you think about all that illuminati stuff?

    5 years ago
    • ??what illuminati stuff?

      5 years ago
      • EXO symbols in their MV. some crazy youtube people did this whole video about how if you listen to their music you’re going to hell. they also said EXO was using witch language…..nope nope that would be Engrish.
        they also broke down the ‘hidden meaning’ behind SHINee’s ‘Lucifer’. 

        5 years ago
        • Religious radicals will say whatever they can to get more publicity.

          5 years ago
        • Religious radicals? lol. Is that the upgraded version of trolls? lololol :)))

          5 years ago
        • True. And I so wonder, how come they know A LOT about Illuminati? Makes me think that they are Illuminati themselves. Although I don’t believe in Illuminati shit. lol

          5 years ago
        • r u talking about that aprilandwayne show? yeaa they’re pretty stupid =D

          5 years ago
        • yeah those people. i tried to dislike and comment but it was all in vain.

          5 years ago
        • I can’t believe they’d try to ruin unicorns for everyone…Seriously, unicorns are freakin’ awesome.

          5 years ago
        • Oh, I have seen those videos. Stay away from those. People are just riding, rather negatively, on the success of Hallyu wave.

          5 years ago
        • i laughed my ass off the whole time. i thought it was a joke at first. i really don’t think they understand Korean or the fact that the people writing the song don’t speak English so they mistake Engrish for “witch language”

          5 years ago
        • LOL, people these days, really. Gotta give them credit for making up a rather strong storyline. lol

          5 years ago
    • No need for a video for that one: 

      TL;DR – It’s dumb

      5 years ago
      • Please don’t do an Illuminati episode. I would die if that ever happens. Just. Fucking No. lol

        5 years ago