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This weeks TL;DR is quite the gossip mill question…let’s all gather around the water cooler (or the Coway Water Dispenser) and talk about Simon and Martina fighting over stuff! OOOMMMGG!!! Last week, they, like…totally…disagreed about…that song…and Simon was like…”Ducky, you’re the best” but I could sense sarcasm hiding under that comment of…affection. *cough* Alright, so we don’t fight. It’s not like we don’t have disagreements. Of course we do, but we don’t do that whole dramatic yelling and fighting and rushing out of the room in tears and stuff. When we disagree with each other, we both maintain the perspective that we don’t want to be fighting, so we try to come to a middle ground or understanding as soon as possible.

The biggest disagreements we have are over creative differences since we both have different perspectives on scripting ideas for our movies. When that happens we argue like coworkers rather than as a couple. At first, it was something we had to discuss so that we knew we weren’t attacking the person personally as a wife/husband, but just as one co-worker being critiqued by another co-worker. It wasn’t easy, at first, because it’s a confusing and bizarre position that we’re in, but we’re used to it now…kinda!

If you’re having problems with fighting, we both read some awesome books on how to discuss things without causing people to feel offended, either close up, and/or explode. Here are the little tips we have!

1. Never use superlatives such as “always,” “forever,” “every time,” “never,” “constantly,” “not once,” etc. For example, if you are angry and you tell someone that “they are ALWAYS late” they will feel the immediate urge to correct your sentence since they will feel like you’ve over exaggerated, since maybe they’re late 80% of the time. They’ll defend themselves by suggesting that your accusation is not true! They’re not ALWAYS late. And how could say that? Thus, the whole focus of your point is lost. Instead of using a superlative, you have to practice re-wording your claims, for example, “I’m just feeling a little upset right now because we’re currently running late, and I don’t feel comfortable being late.”

2. Always remember that you are on the same team. Act like you’re teammates and you have to work together or else you’ll lose the game (the game of…Life?). Don’t treat your relationship as one-on-one, as if you’re on opposite teams, playing defence against the other person’s attacks and working for a different goal. Use terms like “we” and “us” instead of just “you”. Don’t try to bully them into changing or agreeing with you by proving they’re wrong.

For example, “I’m feeling a little upset right now because we’re running late. What can we do to keep this from happening again? Can I help you pick out your clothing ahead of time, or perhaps we should wake up earlier? What do you think we can do?” This is the kind of thing Simon would say to me (Martina) because I’m the tardy one. When he says something like this, I feel like he wants to work with me to help me be on time for the both of us. If Simon feels stressed out at being late, I don’t want him to feel this way, especially if he wants to help me improve myself.

Here’s how Simon could have said it that would have really got me mad. “I’m feeling a little upset right now because you’re making me late again. I’m always early and you always do this. Why can’t you just get up earlier?” That would piss me off. I know that I’m in the wrong, I’m the one running late and it is totally 100% my fault, yet wording it this way just causes irritation. “If being late is such a big deal, then go alone without me! ARGHHH!” Not a good way to start a night with two divided people.

3. Give two good statements for every one bad. If you’re having a big discussion where you’re bringing up lots of faults and problems about a person, it can be a pretty crappy feeling to have someone list all your failures. Instead, we rely on the 2:1 ratio. For example: “You look super hot right now, I love that outfit on you, and your hair looks amazing, but I’m feeling a little upset right now because we’re running late. What do you think we can do fat head?” Actually, leave that “fat head” part out, but feel free to include any other important cute nickname you use! You can see how it’s pretty hard to be really mad at someone who is complimenting you but still trying to help you improve yourself.

Of course, we didn’t meet each other and immediately start talking with the above tips. We both came out of different relationships that had left us with some baggage – as most people do when they meet new people – and it takes time to realize that the new person you’re dating is not the last person you were dating, so doesn’t react to everything you do and say the same way. Communication is the key. If something ticks you off, you should probably let them know right away rather than letting it build up to a random explosion. And communicate it without sounding like a screaming psycho because NOBODY reacts well to being yelled at, especially bears. They either run away or attack you and you don’t want your boyfriend or girlfriend to do either of those things.

So remember! YOU ARE TEAMMATES! Make up a team cheer! We totally have one which I will not type for you because it’s all inside joke gibberish that will translate very poorly, but whenever one of us feels grumpy or down, the other will sing it and it takes us out of our rut right away. If that doesn’t work, there is always interpretive dancing to Xiah’s “Intoxication”…can’t stay mad at ANYONE dancing to that song.

Now we’re gonna stop sounding like Dr. Phil. Thanks :D

Side note: this is gonna be or last video of the week. Turns out we’ve got more than just interviews to plan for the upcoming Google Kpop Concert, and we’re spending today and tomorrow preparing for it, when we usually spend those days WANKing and editing our WANKing. Sorry! Then we’re on a plane Friday to Canada, then to California on Saturday. Meaning: no time for KpopCharts, K Crunch Indie, or Music Monday either. This is gonna be the last video up for a good week or so. Sorry guise! We’ll be in Canada from Tuesday onwards, and we’ll be back to making videos then, though our schedule will probably be lighter than usual because we want to spend some time with our families. We’ll let you know more in the future :D

ToFebruary
  1. ( I get confused as to who wrote what! :)) ) You’re such nice people! :)

  2. Korea has a different aging system. When you’re first born, you’re automatically a year old, and instead of turning a year older on your individual birthday, everyone turns a year older at the beginning of the year (January 1). So you add 1 year to your American age if your birthday has already passed for the year and 2 years if it has not to find your Korean age.

    Sorry, I know this question was directed to S & M, but I just thought I’d help since I knew the answer. ^-^

    • Wow that helps a lot I was confused on the aging system, so its like a Birthday for everyone in the whole country, also do you know if you are 19 in America would Korea allow you to drink because you could technically be 20
      -Thank you ^-^

      • Yeah, it confused me at first, too. From my own reasoning, and based upon what I’ve heard, I think Korea would allow you to drink if you are considered legal according to your Korean age, despite your American age. I’m not sure though. And you’re welcome! ^-^

      • I was curious about that, too. When I first heard you had to add 2 years, I was like “What?! O_o”, lol

      • Yeah, it confused me at first, too! From my own reasoning and what I’ve heard, it seems they would allow you to drink if you are legal according your Korean age (even if you wouldn’t be legal by your American age), but I don’t know for sure. And your welcome ^-^

  3. For TL;DR 
    Hi ^^ You guys probably have some great experience’s with the various fan groups through kpop music monday and the kpop charts. Who’s more passionated, who’s strongest and who wouldn’t you want to meet in a dark alley after criticizing their idols? And questions like that :D Thanks! 

  4. I wish Simon and Martina could be my parents because my parents always fight. 

  5. I have a dream .. One day .. I’ll get an awesome relationship like you guys! T_T 
    P.s: can you come tutor my parents a little …? please ? they really need it ==’ 

  6. TL;DR Question: Is Korea another type of Japan because on of my friends went to Seoul and she’s say it’s another Japan is it or is it not?

  7. Hi  . . . I’m from Brazil. I’m so in love with Korea’s culture and I’m addicted to your videos. Love you both °(>__ó*

  8. and next up, it’s the Simon and Martina relationship advice show *cue recorded clapping*

    seriously, you guys are so awesome… i hate you both… but only in the most loving, i-am-seriously-jealous kinda way ^_-   i think you are pretty much the ideal relationship model and your barfy moments usually tend to make me go “awwww…”

    i hope that neither of you ever gets hit by a car, or eaten by zombies… carry on!

  9. lolol, you guisee are so keyyute..i hope when i get married to have a relationship like this..my parents argue a lot..i’m used to it, but i don’t like it =P

  10. I was wondering for the next tldr can u tall us yur experience in california what does it to feel like seeing live other than the music videos, and other experience u guys have since it was yur first time being in california ;)

  11. This is a really random question, but I’m going to Korea next year, and I’ve heard from a number of sources telling me to bring lots of toothpaste with me because Korean toothpaste is a lot different from the American variety and “not as refreshing” do you have any thoughts on this? 

  12. Martina, I’ll help you kill the zombies

  13.  Does Simon ever steals your clothes Martina?

  14. Can’t you combine the two greatest pizza toppings and have a pepperoni and pineapple pizza?

  15. are those the animals of Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry???  Someone is a Harry Potter fan???

  16. okay this is random but what are your blood types? lol I kinda believe blood type characteristics

  17. what’s spudgy’s story? does he have a juicy love life or a troubled past? OMG stop talking about yourselves and bring out da dog!  Everyone who loves spudgy like this comment!

  18. If you (Martina) were to colour your hair blond, would it turn out to be yellow or blond, because Asian people have dark hair and I imagine its hard to colour them blond. Maybe they use hair colours that are more yellowish than blond?

  19. Do you ever get sick of korean food (Asian food) or is it so good that you dont miss the food from your home country at all?

  20. I’ve never had an argument with any of the girlfriends I’ve ever had before, so I totally feel the same way :) that sad thing is that everything you’ve listed as advice is the very same advice I’ve given, and, honestly, I haven’t really seen other people utilize it :/

  21. How did you guys meet?
    I’m REALLY qurious about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  22. when going to california, simon should stock up on ranch :D

  23. WHOA. Martina, you and I have the same shirt. <3 

  24. POOOOOOOP!!!!
    Okay now that I have your attention, I’m sure somebody could tell me what ILLUMINATI is..
    I’ve seen it all over the comments and I don’t really understand it.
    Quick explanation please?! ccc:

    • didn’t see it in the comment but originally The Illuminati (plural of Latin illuminatus, “enlightened”) is a name given to several groups, both real (historical) and fictitious. (from Wikipedia).
      also there’s a movie The DaVinci Code 2: “Angels&Demons” that has illuminati secret society in the plot.

  25. What I’m wondering is that if Korea is so obsessed with education and students go to school constantly and the culture is be educated or else.. who works at Mcdonalds? Like who are the equivalents of American high school dropouts who work in fast food or departments stores all their lives? Who does the menial labor? Does this even happen in Korea? Are there those sort of class distinctions between those that go to college and those that don’t? Sorry if that’s to many questions at once haha

  26. I was wondering… What are your opinions on when K-Pop fans ship the band with each other, like 2min, JongKey, Eunhae etc… What do you think of Yaoi fans?

  27. How is public displays of affection handled in Korea?…because in the US I’ve seen a lot of people kissing *cough*sucking face*cough* out in public like it’s completely normal

  28. TL;DR question – I’m sure that when you guys first moved here to Korea you never envisioned the success that eatyourkimchi would become, and how it would change your lives.  Where do you guys see yourselves in 5 years from now?  How long do you think you’ll be in Korea, and keep up your blog?  I’ll be moving away from Korea soon, and I’ll miss it a lot, but I know that it’ll be okay because I’ll get my eatyourkimchi fix every week;)  How long can I count on you guys being my main source of all things Korean?

  29. i have curiosity e-e ,  do you guys have plans for  a baby soon? sorry for my english , i’m bad on the writing xd   

  30. Love this! I can honestly say that you are two are such a great example on the internet. One small step for normal, healthy relationships, one giant leap for bloggers!

  31. I have the same shirt (Martina) 

  32. good….job…!!…^^
    i want your happy….^^

  33. Ahhh you can sort of hear an accent with Martina here–sounds like what I used to sound like..justI was more Minnesotan lol
    Seriously though. Talk to my parents.

  34. I applaud you guys for now fighting often. My fiance and I both have fairly short tempers and have a lot of stress from work. We fight all the time, but mostly because we have so much frustrations from outside our house.

    Anyways, here is my question for you guys. I know that plastic surgery is more popular in Korea than the United States. But what is the general view on it? How many Idols really get surgery? Is it hush hush like the US, or are people open about it? And how much of the general public actually get plastic surgery?

  35. Hi ~  I visited Seoul last year in August & I thought the weather was horrible! it was sooooo warm & humid… & I’m visiting Seoul again soon so could you do a video on how to survive the hot Korean weather? ^o^

    • I was just in Seoul and the weather was getting hot a humid.

      Basically what I did was put my hair up, wear cool clothing and I bought myself a super cool SHINee fan that was only like 1 dollar.
      The fan really helped because it gets really hot down in the subway with all the people and there are no breezes, so I would just stand there and fan myself.
      Carry some water with you in like a purse or something and stay in the shade when possible.

      :D

  36. Wow!!! I´m envious Simon and Martina, yours is truly love!!! Hope you stay forever like this!!! Love you guys!!! 

  37. LOL at us, Little Kimchis, getting mushy and lovey dovey because of this TL;DR.

    *sings Narsha’s I’m in Love*

  38. you guys are the most awesome couple ever! i really hope that when i find the one i love, we will be just like your guys! really, thumbs up for ya

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