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COMMENTS

This weeks TL;DR is quite the gossip mill question…let’s all gather around the water cooler (or the Coway Water Dispenser) and talk about Simon and Martina fighting over stuff! OOOMMMGG!!! Last week, they, like…totally…disagreed about…that song…and Simon was like…”Ducky, you’re the best” but I could sense sarcasm hiding under that comment of…affection. *cough* Alright, so we don’t fight. It’s not like we don’t have disagreements. Of course we do, but we don’t do that whole dramatic yelling and fighting and rushing out of the room in tears and stuff. When we disagree with each other, we both maintain the perspective that we don’t want to be fighting, so we try to come to a middle ground or understanding as soon as possible.

The biggest disagreements we have are over creative differences since we both have different perspectives on scripting ideas for our movies. When that happens we argue like coworkers rather than as a couple. At first, it was something we had to discuss so that we knew we weren’t attacking the person personally as a wife/husband, but just as one co-worker being critiqued by another co-worker. It wasn’t easy, at first, because it’s a confusing and bizarre position that we’re in, but we’re used to it now…kinda!

If you’re having problems with fighting, we both read some awesome books on how to discuss things without causing people to feel offended, either close up, and/or explode. Here are the little tips we have!

1. Never use superlatives such as “always,” “forever,” “every time,” “never,” “constantly,” “not once,” etc. For example, if you are angry and you tell someone that “they are ALWAYS late” they will feel the immediate urge to correct your sentence since they will feel like you’ve over exaggerated, since maybe they’re late 80% of the time. They’ll defend themselves by suggesting that your accusation is not true! They’re not ALWAYS late. And how could say that? Thus, the whole focus of your point is lost. Instead of using a superlative, you have to practice re-wording your claims, for example, “I’m just feeling a little upset right now because we’re currently running late, and I don’t feel comfortable being late.”

2. Always remember that you are on the same team. Act like you’re teammates and you have to work together or else you’ll lose the game (the game of…Life?). Don’t treat your relationship as one-on-one, as if you’re on opposite teams, playing defence against the other person’s attacks and working for a different goal. Use terms like “we” and “us” instead of just “you”. Don’t try to bully them into changing or agreeing with you by proving they’re wrong.

For example, “I’m feeling a little upset right now because we’re running late. What can we do to keep this from happening again? Can I help you pick out your clothing ahead of time, or perhaps we should wake up earlier? What do you think we can do?” This is the kind of thing Simon would say to me (Martina) because I’m the tardy one. When he says something like this, I feel like he wants to work with me to help me be on time for the both of us. If Simon feels stressed out at being late, I don’t want him to feel this way, especially if he wants to help me improve myself.

Here’s how Simon could have said it that would have really got me mad. “I’m feeling a little upset right now because you’re making me late again. I’m always early and you always do this. Why can’t you just get up earlier?” That would piss me off. I know that I’m in the wrong, I’m the one running late and it is totally 100% my fault, yet wording it this way just causes irritation. “If being late is such a big deal, then go alone without me! ARGHHH!” Not a good way to start a night with two divided people.

3. Give two good statements for every one bad. If you’re having a big discussion where you’re bringing up lots of faults and problems about a person, it can be a pretty crappy feeling to have someone list all your failures. Instead, we rely on the 2:1 ratio. For example: “You look super hot right now, I love that outfit on you, and your hair looks amazing, but I’m feeling a little upset right now because we’re running late. What do you think we can do fat head?” Actually, leave that “fat head” part out, but feel free to include any other important cute nickname you use! You can see how it’s pretty hard to be really mad at someone who is complimenting you but still trying to help you improve yourself.

Of course, we didn’t meet each other and immediately start talking with the above tips. We both came out of different relationships that had left us with some baggage – as most people do when they meet new people – and it takes time to realize that the new person you’re dating is not the last person you were dating, so doesn’t react to everything you do and say the same way. Communication is the key. If something ticks you off, you should probably let them know right away rather than letting it build up to a random explosion. And communicate it without sounding like a screaming psycho because NOBODY reacts well to being yelled at, especially bears. They either run away or attack you and you don’t want your boyfriend or girlfriend to do either of those things.

So remember! YOU ARE TEAMMATES! Make up a team cheer! We totally have one which I will not type for you because it’s all inside joke gibberish that will translate very poorly, but whenever one of us feels grumpy or down, the other will sing it and it takes us out of our rut right away. If that doesn’t work, there is always interpretive dancing to Xiah’s “Intoxication”…can’t stay mad at ANYONE dancing to that song.

Now we’re gonna stop sounding like Dr. Phil. Thanks :D

Side note: this is gonna be or last video of the week. Turns out we’ve got more than just interviews to plan for the upcoming Google Kpop Concert, and we’re spending today and tomorrow preparing for it, when we usually spend those days WANKing and editing our WANKing. Sorry! Then we’re on a plane Friday to Canada, then to California on Saturday. Meaning: no time for KpopCharts, K Crunch Indie, or Music Monday either. This is gonna be the last video up for a good week or so. Sorry guise! We’ll be in Canada from Tuesday onwards, and we’ll be back to making videos then, though our schedule will probably be lighter than usual because we want to spend some time with our families. We’ll let you know more in the future :D

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  1. I’m just really really inexplicably happy to hear this kind of response to this question. I really wish you guys all the best.

  2. So Simon never leaves his dirty socks on your kitchen table (true story) and Martina doesn’t have PMS…..ever? It would be nice to be like that but, at least for me, it just isn’t that way. My husband doesn’t do dishes unless i ask him to (5 or 6 times)and he doesn’t know what the vacuum looks like. it all falls on me and I work a full time job and i think it’s unfair. that’s our biggest fight. Me hollering “clan up your own crap! I’m not your mother!!” I fail as a perfect wife, that’s for darn sure!

  3. I hope you guys can answer this, so I’ve been visiting New York regularly nowadays and it is filled with koreans. I’ve noticed that Koreans smoke A LOT and not just men, women too. So how common is smoking in korea?Doesn’t it disgust you?

  4. Kavya Chebrolu

    pepperoni mushrooms!!

  5. leileiquisha

    You guys are so funny, My bf and I pretty much handle arguments with the hand slapping thing too. Then we laugh at how funny our faces looks and its all good.

  6. Would you advise people who are considering to teach in South Korea, to choose where they get tattoos carefully? Do Korean schools look down on foreign teachers that have
    tattoos or do they just accept it ,and tell you to cover them up?

  7. I envy you…,i wish my relationship is like yours…,all about teamwork!!!

  8. SweetSpicy Life

    Hey Simon and Martina! :)
    Here’s my TL;DR question…
    How is South Korean entertainment different from North American entertainment, such as reality tv shows and movies?

  9. Can you tell us about the tattoos you two have and some of the stories/meanings behind them?

  10. SuperJuniorDrWhoLvr

    Wow!!!! You guys are so loved!!!! I love how there is no trolls on this channel, but there is plenty of warm fuzzy feelings!!!!!

  11. SuperJuniorDrWhoLvr

    Hey! Happy fifth anniversary!!!! That’s exciting! So, my question is…. Is it true that Korea is a great place for museum junkies? I love going to museums and I heard that Korea has a lot of great museums, is that true?
    (side question…. Just to satisfy my own curiousity, do you guys like labarynth? The movie with David Bowe? Love that movie ^^)

  12. Dear Simon and Martina,
    I have a great tl;dr question. Right now it’s really super hot and humid over in the US and since you’ve told us about the heating system in Korea, I was wondering, how do you keep cool in the summers especially since I hear it gets even more humid over there in the summer. I even heard that there is a monsoon season in Korea. Have you witnessed any monsoons? What is that like and how do you cope with all the flooding?
    Thanks ^_^

  13. kpopfan123
    kpopfan123

    ( I get confused as to who wrote what! :)) ) You’re such nice people! :)

  14. Oh you guys are adorable. And I’ve heard so many times that “Fighting in a relationship is normal” but I never want to do that with my husband, and I’m relieved to see you guys talk about how you don’t fight. I’m hoping I meet a guy who can be the Simon to my Martina. :)

  15. now that was a really good talk, i always thought that conversation is better than yelling, i always say it to my mum, that she needs to understmd dad more & his point of view coz sometimes she gets mad in places where u don’t really have to. ah whatever P:

  16. i love your house! it’s so cute!

  17. i so love both of your chemistry.. you guys really look nice, cute, and suited for each other.. totally love you guys.. and spudgey as well..

  18. So my sister and I love watching k-drama and there are a few things we would like to know. TL;DR- In k-drama we noticed that the characters are always driving crazy like swirving in and out of lanes, parking on sidewalks, running lights, and in our eyes being menaces to the driving community, in Korea are traffic cops completely incapable as they seem?(if any exist)
    P.S If possible could you explain some other cliches seen in k-dramas so we don’t have an ignorant view of Korean life because we don’t want to base our opinions on false information, I mean I wouldnt like it if koreans compared me to snooki just because we live in America.

  19. hi simon and martina, i just wanted to ask, as you both are from toronto, and you moved to korea what was it like settling in and getting things together like, health care, insurance and all that stuff, as a person who wants to move to korea im kinda unsure what its like, so could you do a video on it?

  20. Jianna Yong

    perfect as ever!!im so jealous.i need to find a guy like simon!!dont care about looks.i would love to be martina~~i wanna hav a perfect life like you guys!!<3

  21. Edward tran

    Question: What is the history of your glasses do you need them? are they real? Where did you buy them? how much was it?

  22. hi simon and martina! i love watching your videos and i think that you two are a hilarious and wonderful couple!
    for TL;DR
    how did you two meet each other and what were your first impressions?

  23. i’m also afraid of zombis too. :(
    but I don’t like mushrooms on pizza and i’m allergic to pineapple…
    mostly its just meat on my pizza…
    but then I fear attracting zombis with my meat pizza…
    and so I just buy baguettes.

  24. What is the sense of humor like in Korea? :)

  25. alicemiesen

    Hello~
    Here’s my question for TL;DR : 
    What are the chances of a non asian getting into an asian enterainment agency? And if a non asian debuted would they be accepted as an artist or would they run into problems ect

  26. I like cheese =) I really liked this TL;DR too because it’s so warm and cuddly~~ haha and agreed — communication is an important aspect of relationships

  27. joseykozey

    For TL;DR 
    Hi ^^ You guys probably have some great experience’s with the various fan groups through kpop music monday and the kpop charts. Who’s more passionated, who’s strongest and who wouldn’t you want to meet in a dark alley after criticizing their idols? And questions like that :D Thanks! 

  28. Hey S&M, here is my TL;DR question: what are Korean views on different races? 

  29.  i think the best thing y’all said – “you are teammates” – is the best advice couples need to remember

  30. Wendy Khai Hoan Ngo

    Thank you for the valuable advice, the teammate is the most def. crucial advice that save a relationship. I am single but these are so useful to apply everywhere to anyone; of course I will put more effort for my future-to-be-lover base on these advices. Moreover, you guise are living sample of a successful loving young beautiful funny married couple. Thank you for being so cute together, gives us hope.

  31. For my TL;DR I was wondering what you thought of a white/black person being in kpop? I have a friend who said that there once was. 

  32. How do you set up for your videos?? Lighting, cameras, mics etc.

  33. TL:DR
    Is it possible as a non-asian to get through all the auditions at an entertainment company in Korea and become a trainee?

  34. Isaiah Palacios
    Isaiah Palacios

    I wish Simon and Martina could be my parents because my parents always fight. 

  35. Pearl_Rose

    I think the two of you should have a sit down with my mother. >.> You two are definitely a great job in your marriage. Btw…I can’t get to your google moderator or whatever is you have on your bonus channel. T^T

  36. Hi! :D

    My TL;DR Question (or just a question)

    Since a lot of K-Pop concerts are going global, what should we expect?

     Like I want to go to the Big Bang concert that might happen in the US and I want to know what I need to be prepared. Plus, my mom hasn’t even heard of them before, so how should I prepare her?

    I’m the only one in my family who listens to K-Pop. She doesn’t know anything about it. She’s been to a lot of concerts, but what should I tell her to expect since American concerts are so different?  

    Okay so basically: How should I prepare for a K-Pop concert with someone who doesn’t know anything about K-Pop? What should I expect to be different than a North American concert?

  37. Don’t feel bad, Martina–I’m terrified of zombies. Like seriously, it’s bad. They make me cry.

  38. My TL:DR question: where do you go to have spudgy’s blue tail? How is it done? and does spudgy like it?

  39. I’ve a question… ok it’s kinda weird , but did you guys thought about having a new member in your little family ? I mean having a child ? ( some competition fo Spudgy) :P

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