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WTF – Spiky Hand Massage Balls

September 28, 2011

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Korea: why the painful massages? It seems like for any massage to be considered relaxing here, it has to be extremely painful. We’ve done foot massages in Korea before, and they hurt so bad that Martina actually cried while she was getting them done. CRIED! And she’s a tough one. She asked the guy massaging her feet to be gentler, but he looked at her with an icy heart and just kept going. Her skin was actually covered in bruises from it! Also, we did the Swan Neck Massagers of DOOM that hurt like hell as well. Today we wanted to play with these hand roller massage thingies, and – yet again – we felt a lot of pain.

Massage ball packaging

This packaging has it's butt kicked by these evil evil balls.

Look at the poor packaging. You thought we were joking when we said that the balls had ruined the packaging? No, we weren’t joking. These balls are really sharp and really uncomfortable. If they did this to the plastic, what do you think it’ll do to your hands? Give you the soft smoothness of a hand model, or give you the calloused rugged mitts of a 50 year old farmer? Probably the latter. And, really, in what situation would you think to yourself, “man, I could really go for some really spiky pain on my hands right about now”? None. Guise. None.

Come on Korea! Stop with all the pain already! Do you have any massages or relaxing items that don’t hurt a lot? We get the whole idea that after suffering pain you feel better, no pain no gain, yada yada, but that’s bullcrap. It’s like doing an experiment where you starve me for a month and then give me a regular boring hamburger. Yes, it will taste delicious, but not because the hamburger was special in any way. It’s the contrast that makes you appreciate it more. Instead, how about not starving me, and making me a wicked delicious hamburger? Same with massages. How about you make it feel good right away, rather than making me endure some severe pain first in order to appreciate the feeling of not-pain?

I don’t know. Also, we’ve seen pressure point hand massagers before, but this one was actually too painful to feel the pressure points. It felt like rubbing a cactus into your hand. No fun. I think Martina’s hidden ball of doom prank might be the real reason these things exist. They could use them in war time situations to blow out car tires. Seriously. Give it to a porcupine to play with and it’ll flee in pain.
Has anyone else used these devilish things before?

As for this month’s Wonderful Treasure Find care package award winner, the prize goes to notochrasyy on YouTube, who said:

I wouldn’t smuggle anything really. I would use them like a rubbish bin, since I have a really bad habit of sticking rubbish like food wrappers, scrap paper etc in my pockets…and my pocket gets really full of stuff ;o; lol, so I’d just use the arm protector things like rubbish pockets. Then once I find a large rubbish bin/trashcan/lolwhataretheyeve­ncalled, huzzah, pull them off my arm and empty into bin/trashcan :D

I could totally relate to this, only because Martina hates putting things in her pockets, so she puts her trash and stuff in my pockets or my bag. Totally…not…fair. If you’re the winner, please send us an email or a message and we’ll mail out your prize ASAP.

And on that note, here are this week’s Bloopers:

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