157 COMMENTS

Time for another Open the Whoopass on a Movie video. Yay! This time, I’m talking about why Man of Steel was a terrible sack of crap. I was harsh on Iron Man 3, but…whooooaaaa. Man of Steel was a lot lot lot lot worse. If you haven’t seen it yet, don’t watch it. If you get frustrated by the illogical actions of idiots for the sake of plot pushing, don’t watch this movie. Watch Star Trek: Into Darkness. If you’ve seen it, and want to spend your money on Man of Crap, spend your money on a ticket for Star Trek again. Watching that movie twice is better than watching Man of Steel once.

One of the points I forgot to mention in the video is this: yes, I know you might be confused and wondering what channel you’re watching. Who am I, and why am I on the eatyourkimchi channel? Eatyourkimchi is mostly Simon and Martina. Simon wears glasses. You don’t have glasses, weird angry guy, so WHO ARE YOU?!?! Sure, that’s part of the Superman mythology, that he puts on glasses and people can’t recognize him, but COME ON! Laurence Fishbird saw this white dude flying in the air in blue spandex. I think he’d remember if someone looked like him in the future! BARGH!

Another point: at the end of the movie the city sure does look fine and dandy, rather than a city that was nearly DESTROYED UTTERLY INTO DUST. You know how much money it would cost to repair that all? Who’s paying the bill? Lex Luthor?

Ah. I don’t know. It’s like they started writing the screenplay for the movie thinking “I want to see Superman fight other Supermen,” wrote in those parts, and then came up with drivel to fill in the rest of the movie. The villains were stupid. Superman was kinda stupid. The plot was stupid. The climax was stupid. All of it, just a really, really bad film.

Maybe you’re DC biased, and Superman is one of your favorite characters ever, so you feel you have to watch it. First of all, where are you?! I haven’t met a single person who likes Superman. The idea of him is cool, but I’ve never met anyone into reading Superman comics and being like “yeah, Superman rocks!” I read “Kingdom Come” and Superman sucked. If anyone can recommend a Superman comic line worth reading, please share. I need to try to find something good about him.

ToFebruary
  1. Mark Workhoven

    Hilarious! Also, when grade-school Clark Kent freaked out and ran off to hide in a closet, why did the teacher bring her ENTIRE CLASS with her to try and talk him out? Did she think it would calm Clark down to have every single classmate who teases Clark standing around like an audience? And then have them all stand around in the hallway until Ma Kent could drive all the way down to the school? WTF kind of school is this?

  2. Superman sucks. He would bow before the might of Ultron. Before I snapped his neck with my pinky finger of course.

  3. Procrastinator

    I’m really late, but I completely agree Simon. This movie was really bad. Plot was weak, character development was weak, Superman was disappointing, Lois was a pushover, and there was no point in having Martha Kent even in the movie. And don’t even get me started on the camera techniques either. I’ve seen the movie twice and all I can recall is lens flare, shaky camera movement, monochromatic colors, and narration. It felt like I was watching a documentary. It was boring, and the characters were so shallow, I don’t even know where to begin to pick out their flaws. Now I’m not picking on the actors. They were decent, and Cavil did a great Clark Kent. Maybe not a great Superman, but a great Clark because we know Clark has always been hesitant about who he is. I’m picking on the writers/directors because they did a horrible job. The character interaction and development is pitifully weak.

    I think Tom Hiddleston describes this best.

    “What Marvel is so clever at is they make their heroes flawed, and their villains heroic. So there’s layers to everyone, and it makes for better characters.”

    And no, I’m not a Marvel fanboy. I’m more of a Teen Titans/Young Justice(so sad it was canceled)/Batman nut.

    All in all, the movie lacked layers and character development.

    Don’t buy the MOS blu-ray dvd, because it was horrible. Do yourselves a favor and pick up Justice League: Flashpoint, Batman: Dark Knight Returns, superman/shazam the return of black adam, Justice League Doom, JL: Crisis on Two Earths and/or superman vs the elite instead. Those movies do Superman justice. Superman is cool in those. Superman is lame in Man of Steel.

  4. Raid Timbel

    What a pitty simon !!! :-) you can only give suck comments, rather than make a good and entertaining movie… Where did you train your suck comments?…. On a farm ??!!.. :-D

  5. Raid Timbel

    Eventually… I acknowledge Simon is suck. Thanks for your suck comments.

  6. Just found this article and gotta to admit with you. This film is suck. It’s like they try to make another The dark knight but much worse. I know that they want to express another side of heroes, the dark side but common, the whole movie is just fighting, crushing, destroying and the characters is so stupid. And yeah, Star Trek is so much better. After Joker and Dr,Hanabal, Khan is the third villain I am really in love. I wonder why the heroes movies now concentrate so much on heroes, so much that like they forget about villains

  7. Tevin Henley

    firstly the reason they put zod and his allies into a ship and into the negative zone is because they didnt believe Jor-el when he said that the planet is dying so they thought that zod was just terrorist.

    2. the ship that zod is on is connected to krypton so when krypton was destroyed the ship systems went offline releasing zod and his cronies and even is the movie talks about how they managed to salvage the ship travel to on of their off planet colonies and salvages supplies and stuff because the colonies had no krytpon to keep them running

    3.clarks father dying in the tornado and him not saving him was for him to protect his identity and then when he’s on the oil rig he had no choice but to rip the door off and save those guys as no one would probably would have believed them seeing as there was chemicals everywhere burning they could have halucinated it all and the fact the rig came down on top of would have made them believe he was dead.

    4.if had actually watched the movie properly you would have seen there was a walkway leading up to the top where clark was

    5.if you read the comics he travels the world to hone his powers so he would have learnt some medical practices aswell while traveling.

    6. no we cant say that his dad knew his freakin waist size but its a skin tight suit so it would have been a small suit that stretched to fit his body..oh and the fact that they’re and alien race who more advanced technology then ours i think they would make suits to fit the wearers body shape

    7.lois on the ship was purely because the female kryptonian indirectly threatened them if they didnt comply with zods orders. Lois being a reporter and sticking to a persona would have been curious about and gone any with or without superman

    8.zod wouldnt have lost their powers because dont forget they wanted to recreate planet krypton on earth on the freakin sun itself as the sun the source of there powers if you paid attention to the movie read the comics…yellow sun = powers krytpons red sun= no powers…and zod would be a bad guy if he did things in a civil way.

    9. he didnt know it would work lois told him it would work and lois was told by the hologram of jor el the guy who designed and created the ship that why she runs to him and tells him i know how to stop zod because she didnt get a chance to earlier because clark flew off.

    10. lois made herself part of the mission and also because she’s the on who told them how to stop zod. And also again if you paid attention to the film that freakin scientist said that there codex or there only way to bring kryptons people to earth was to to use the codex that was bonded to clarks blood so even if zod killed superman all he need was supermans blood dead or alive. zod even ask if the scientist does he need to be alive the scientist says no

    11.If you saw a whole load of fireball and debris falling and loud crashing and slaming your gona be able to make your way there somehow

    for pete sake people who come up with these stupid reasons as to why the movie sucked its unbelievalbe even though if you actually paid attention in the movie all of it would be answered and make sense. also if you read the comics it would make sense. In my opinion this was the best superman movie since the christopher reeve adaptations. I’d love to see some these haters make a superman movie see if they can do better

  8. William Cong

    Please review Pacific Rim

  9. it really is supersucked , watched it at megabox coex and i was sleeping until 30 minutes before it ends , not just me the guy besides me too hahahaha

  10. MissCocoBelle

    Was waiting for the movie to go to 2D coz I hate having to put the 3D glasses on top of my glasses. (I hate contacts, the devils). I totally agree. Can I just add WTF was with Superman watching the villains WALK INTO THEIR SHIP AND FLY OFF!!!!! I don’t know how this kinda thing works ( and I’m no super human) but if the bad guy were getting away right in front of my eyes I would chuck something!! Try one of those many trucks and tanks they’d been chucking at you in EVERY SINGLE FIGHT SCENE Superman!!!! And I cant express badly enough how this entire would’ve been just fine without Lois Lane in it. Anybody else feel like there still would’ve been a movie? IDK, that’s just me. I could go on…. and I shall~!!! How bout how they tried so hard to shove as many scenes as they could into one movie when they easily could’ve made 2!!! I’d pay to watch a sequel, if the first one wasn’t so badly botched. I don’t get hoe one minute Clark is in an grill room, them BAM, we’re in the dessert and he’s being picked up by Zod and crew. (beats me). And really super people?? Where did the RED and Blue suit come from? I saw all of Krypton. There was no sign of colourful happiness on that planet, even before it blew up. Just saying, where did you guys learn colours from???? (I might be stretching here, but whatever). I feel like the whole flashback into Clarks history could’ve been better handled. (Like in the grill room maybe). All of the earth scenes just started in the wrong place for me. The scenes were there, they just could’ve been put in a better, neater order. I’m getting out of hand here…. Just my take on things. Cringed more than a few times in that movie. I was thoroughly disappointed. Can I get a Super Refund?!!!

  11. Whitney Yura Cheung

    Anyhoodledoodlepoodle<3

  12. hi simon and martina!! i was wondering if there is anywhere in toronto i can buy kpop albums??

  13. Alexandra Huang

    Well Simon, if you didn’t like that original movie maybe you’ll like the musical: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHsZk67BbN8 =P

  14. Celia Rose

    I think it’s funny that in your blog post you say that you haven’t met anyone who likes Superman, because my sister’s husband is the biggest Superman fanboy I’ve ever met, lol. He adores Superman, and collects any memorabilia he can afford. He’s seen the new Man of Steel movie four times now (which is excessive IMO but to each his own).

    I saw the movie for the first time yesterday, and I enjoyed some parts. I cried when Jore-El and Lara sent Kal-El away, and when Jonathan refused his son’s rescue during the tornado. The visuals were very well-done, and it felt like a superhero movie.

    Some parts of the movie I didn’t like, however, or didn’t make sense. The destruction of Metropolis and at the end of the film made me uncomfortable; it was excessive and too drawn-out. Lois’ relationship with Clark was too rushed, and Lois didn’t really have proper development herself. The scenes at the Airforce base in Antarctica drove me nuts; Amy Adams is traipsing around in minimal layers without freezing to death, the airmen run out into the cold wearing only Columbia fleece jackets, it doesn’t make sense! When Lois took her camera out into the cold with NO PROTECTION, I was really annoyed. Her camera shouldn’t have even worked for as long as it did in such extreme freezing temperatures, and it would have served her right for being so stupid. I’d like to see Perry rip her a new one for being irresponsible with Daily Planet equipment.

    To be honest, I didn’t really go into the movie expecting much from the plot itself. I mean, really, the original Superman story is pretty simple already. In addition, consider Snyder’s other works. I haven’t seen 300 or Watchmen (yet), but Suckerpunch is an excellent example of how Snyder can create beautiful movies that seriously lack in the plot department, and I think Man of Steel is an example of that as well.
    Before the movie, the theatre ran the first trailer for 300: Rise of an Empire, which is supposed to be the prequel for 300. Snyder is not directing, but he is listed as a producer and screen writer. God help that film.

    In hindsight, I would have waited until Man of Steel was released on netflix instead of spending $10 at the theatre, but it’s a good movie for one of those days when you feel like turning off your brain for a couple hours for some cool visuals.

  15. FancyJude
    FancyJude

    So much for opening the happy…. I’m kidding. This is hilarious!

  16. Alexandra Huang

    Hahaha… I haven’t watched the movie but now I don’t think I want to. Good job Simon, good job.

  17. Kristi Sebastian

    I agree with you Simon on many points. I didn’t feel like this was a Superman movie. I thought the flashbacks editing was choppy and interdispersed with a spacey action film. I was hoping for a more deep plunge into Superman’s struggle being accepted and growing up. I hated the splicing of Kypton genes into his DNA…Bad plot device, and I didn’t like that they tried to give Zod a purpose. He is suppose to be a psycho path…don’t try to soften him up with genetic breeding,etc.

  18. tweetpandora

    Just watched it and I have to agree with Simon, I thought a lot of that as I was watching it…. too much spent on action, so little on telling a good story. The one from the 1980s was actually better…

  19. I enjoyed the hell out of your rant, Simon. I may still go see this tomorrow morning, but now I will giggle quietly to myself and murmur ‘general zoidberg’ every time Zod is on screen and/or someone says his name.

  20. shimmyshookmybones

    I kind of agree on some of the points you made (mostly about Lois – I felt like the writers didn’t really know what to do with her, so they shoehorned her into the action scenes to keep her from being a damsel on the sidelines, but just ended up making her awkward). As for most of your other points, though, I have to disagree. And – oh God, sorry about this, it just seems like the most organized way to go about things – I’m gonna be one of those people arguing with you point by point. XD

    1 – I thought, from the conversation Jor-El was having with the Kryptonian leaders, that Krypton was in trouble because of decisions that those leaders had made about harvesting some kind of resource from the planet’s core, and the leaders were taking the stance of, “Of COURSE the planet isn’t dying, silly boy, because that would mean our poor decision-making has led to the deaths of millions and the end of our race/civilization as we know it. Everything’s fine. Move along folks, nothing to see here!” Basically they had convinced themselves that they hadn’t killed the planet, that the only problem was Zod’s little coup, so once they caught him they could just follow SOP and tuck him away in black-hole-prison (which was broken apart when the planet blew up).

    2 – We never saw Zod arranging his coup. It’s not exactly impossible that Scientist Guy decided to help them overthrow the government, is it? Scientists get that revolutionary feeling, too, Simon! And I got the feeling that the whole pod-baby, born-for-specific-purposes thing kind of made a lot of the Kryptonians interchangeable, so I didn’t think he was a scientist who just so happened to have a PhD in Supermanology, I just figured he knew stuff that all Kryptonian scientists would know.

    3 – I actually really liked how this movie made Jonathan Kent so obsessive about protecting Clark that he was kind of an asshole about it (“LET THEM BITCHES DROWN!!1!”). He was willing to sacrifice innocent bystanders, and emotionally damage his son, because he was so focused on keeping his son’s secret. And as for Clark not arguing with him about going to get the dog – it seemed to me that Jonathan’s zealotry about the secret-keeping had basically brainwashed Clark. When Jonathan died, Clark was still just a teenager, terrified of who he really was and of anybody finding out his secret (a fear his father had been pounding into his head for years). And that’s what makes his transformation to Superman difficult for him, he’s been desperately trying to live up to his father’s wishes for him, but unable to stop himself from using his powers to help people (probably BECAUSE OF his failure to save his father, Psych 101), and then feeling guilty/punishing himself every time he does.

    And I don’t think you’re giving enough credit to the fact that Smallville is so, well, SMALL, dammit. I grew up in a town with less than 450 people and I can tell you, everybody is constantly all up in everybody else’s business. After the thing with the bus? There’s absolutely no way anyone in Smallville would ever have even pretended to believe Clark was just a normal guy once he emerged miraculously unharmed from a monster tornado. You really can’t compare that to half a dozen complete strangers on a burning oil rig who are in the dark, choking, about to die, partially blinded by smoke, have never seen him before, and will never see him again.

    4 – Lois’s characterization was awkward, but the ice-climbing thing wasn’t really what bothered me. She’s a Pulitzer Prize-winning investigative journalist who has just been informed that it’s so cold she will die if she stays outside for too long, and then she seems some guy climbing a mountain in a t-shirt. That next Pulitzer ain’t gonna win itself, baby!

    5 – Agreed, fixing a lazer burn by burning it with a lazer is silly. But as for knowing about cauterization in the first place, that’s not exactly rocket science. And by this point, Clark is a Kansas farmboy who has been wandering around deliberately inserting himself into dangerous situations and saving people for years, so it’s not hard to believe he would’ve learned how to use his powers for some field first aid by then.

    6 – LMFAO he’s a superhero from an extremely advanced alien race and you’re wondering how his suit fit? Sure, alien fabric that can mold itself to fit the wearer is lazy writing, but it’s hardly an impassable obstacle. (And check the canon for how Superman shaves, silly. :D)

    7 – Zod knew Superman had been born naturally, not in a pod, which he saw as heretic and freaky. I assumed he didn’t know what he’d be able to get from Supe via the mind-reading trick, so he brought Lois along as a backup, to serve as both a hostage/bargaining chip and a potential source of information regarding Superman and the rest of the planet. Also, Zod is kind of implied to be a SuperHitler. He’s completely dismissive of humans, which is pretty evident by his willingness to kill us all. I think they all saw Lois as so insignificant that it wasn’t worth the waste of their limited manpower to have someone constantly with her.

    8 – Simon, think about what you’re saying. You’re asking why a comic book supervillain didn’t try to take the civil, morally-sound course of action. The man was ready to wipe out all the Kryptonians who’d stood against his coup in the beginning! If he’s willing to commit genocide against his own people, why would he care what happens to a bunch of humans?

    9 – I felt like Zod didn’t like that Earth was changing his Kryptonian-ness, even if it was changing him for the better. He was all about preserving Krypton as he thought it was supposed to be, remember? He wasn’t looking to advance it, or improve it; his only purpose had been to preserve it, and since he’d failed so profoundly at that, all he had left to do was replicate it as closely as he could.

    10 – Superman didn’t know about crashing the ships together. Jor-El did. That’s why he told Lois “I know how to stop them.” And then she ran up to Superman and said, “I know how to stop them.” :) Again, it’s lazy writing, but it does work.

    (*coughcough* Also, I know it’s not intentional, but you’re starting to sound a weeee bit condescending with the Kansas farm boy bit. *coughcough*)

    11 – Agreed, Lois was awkward. Awkward is better than whining, useless, damsel in distress, but they could’ve done so much better with her character.

    12 – Dude, Zod was batshit insane. It’s kind of his thing, what with the genocide and the spit-on-you-as-I-scream-in-your-face monologues – and that was BEFORE he was frozen (which looked like it hurt), launched into a black hole, watched his planet blow up (which meant he’d failed spectacularly at his only purpose for being alive), sucked in some Earth fumes (which made him like Superman, who he saw as an abomination already, just for the way he’d been born), and had his ass kicked around by said abomination.

    13 – Yeah, I don’t even know, that final battle went on way too long and I got confused. XD

    14 – …see previous answer. They bounced around Metropolis so much I had no idea who was where by the end.

    Anyway, I enjoyed the movie. Sure, it had some plot holes and some lazy writing, but I don’t need my summer superhero movies to be perfect. As long as I leave feeling entertained, I’m cool. :)

  21. I agree with a lot of the stuff you’ve brought up. I just went to see it and I was expecting something phenomenal when I heard that my sister thought it was good, but then I was constantly going, “Wait, what? Why is this happening this way?!”

    We want Lois Lane on the alien space craft. How are we going to do that? Uh, I don’t know, how ’bout General Z just demands that she come? He can interrogate her or something. Okay.

    What? No…. No. The way that happened was just awkward. I kept re-writing scenes that I didn’t like in my head while I watched it.The parts that were good were really good and then the bad parts… blah. My favorite part was just before the soldier dude flew their aircraft into the alien ship, where he recites the whole “A good death” thing back in the alien chicks face. I was like, “Yeah, in yo face!” Then, we went through about a thousand and one scenes of Superman and GZ smashing through walls. *sigh*

    p.s. They knew how to defeat GZ because Lois Lane was told what to do by Jor-El. Still, awkward.

  22. Again, this is not open the Simon negativity!! This is Open The Happy!!! Create a new channel dude!!! Where does this fall under Open The Happy? I never wanted to see that movie yet, you told me about it. This should be call Open And Ruin My Childhood By Simon!!! Really dude, atleast wait 3 months!!!

    • 3inthemorning

      Um, pretty sure you’re not forced to watch every video from the channel. If you didn’t want to see the movie or hear about it, DON’T PLAY THE VIDEO. The title makes it pretty clear what it is.

  23. I Lost My Pants In Omaha

    For another point of view, see Angry Joe’s review. I liked the movie as a reboot to a stale franchise, it is not the comic book Superman or the candy-ass Christopher Reeve. Simon must of gone to the bathroom & missed Jor-El explaining to Lois how to stop Zod.

  24. I thought the movie was awesome and I’m not even a major Superman fan. Sure they didn’t really have much of a plot but the badass fight scenes were good enough.

  25. Thank you. Thank you. I was the one asking in the live stream if you’d seen it or not, cause I knew you’d RAGE. I was dragged with for a friend’s birthday (she’s a superman fan–like hardcore) and even she was like “meh” afterwards. I was that person in the theatre laughing at inappropriate times–SO BAD! Thanks for raging on all the things I hated. You missed one of my favorite plot holes though, when S.man went to tell the army commander his plan to turn it into a blackhole everyone was like a) “we know what krypton is and how what you’re talking about will work!” and b) “S.man is totally on our side back him up we take orders from him!” When at the end they’re trying to track him down again….

  26. Vixay Yang

    +100000 AGREED! MAN OF STEEL was a vomit of explosions!

  27. irritablevowel
    irritablevowel

    Simon, in light of your review, I think you will appreciate this Man of Steel summary I saw on i09

    http://io9.com/the-most-important-scenes-from-man-of-steel-as-i-remem-516405346

  28. Cody Parmley

    Hi Simon. Thank you for sharing your opinions regarding “Man of Steel.”

    I had watched “Iron Man” and agreed w/ many of the points you made in your movie review of it. “Iron Man” was good, but I also felt like the movie was all about Tony Stark instead. Although that one scene in the beginning when Tony uses his suit to attach to Pepper’s body while their house is being blown up was EPIC-LY AWESOME!! :P

    I wasn’t wanting to see “Man of Steel” while it’s in theaters, but I’ll definitely watch it when it appears on DVD or TV. :)

  29. Ginnyteacher

    Laurence Fishbird!! :DDDDD Great shouty-review — I really enjoy these. Also, looks like you and Martina are doing a wonderful job with the new healthier lifestyle — inspires me to be better every day :) keep it comin’. btw, the two most distracting things to me about the promo campaign for the film in the US (bc I won’t be watching the film even though I love Michael Shannon and Henry Cavill) 1: they won’t say Superman… why? they pointedly avoid it and 2: the design of his costume– straps that point at his crotch like an arrow? No red underpants, but new crotch-pointing straps? the actual heck?

  30. lol Superman II still rocks for me. Aint gonna watch this one

  31. So right, I saw the movie yesterday and thought the plot was complete crap… The special effects were mind blowing but I wish I hadn’t watched it in 3D ’cause I don’t think I’ll be recovering my eyesight anytime soon. Anyway huge budget, huge cast, huge disappointment. I do love Superman and I thought that this movie was a waste of such a talented cast and crew…

  32. Ristina Hinata

    Simon,hi! I’m a fan of EYK, but i have to say: this videos are not good for the image of EYK and so are a mistake – don’t have anything to do with Life in Korea or KPop. Martina’s makeup and hair videos connect nicely with KPop, korean fashon and style.Spudgy and Dr. Meemersworth are awesome, korean members of your crew and are kriminaly cute, so theyr videos are ok and fun. And then there are youre videos… don’t have anything to do with your work up until now. And although entertaining are way too onesided , subjektive and personal. You need you own kanal – wlog for this.

  33. Stephanie Moretti

    Ugh, Superman. It’s like he’s this perfect, all-awesome power-having, unstoppable guy that gets beat all the time anyway. At least for a while before he predictably comes back to beat the bad guys. Sooo so lame. So lame. Lame.

    Star Trek was amazing. I really like the first new movie, so I was a little worried that the second one would be trying too hard to create conflict, but it was perfect. PERFECT I TELL YOU!

    Also, I feel like Zachary Quinto makes the more-than-slightly frustrating character of Spock the most likable of any incarnation – just in my opinion. ^^

  34. toocoolforcapes

    Thank you! I am a huge DC fan, but Superman is such a stupid douche in the comics. How does anyone like him?

  35. Isabel Ruby
    Isabel Ruby

    lol haven’t watched the movie but this was hilarious regardless XD

  36. BATMAN MEET IMMORTALS HOPEMAN? WTF? NOT A SUPERMAN MOVIE, I´M DISAPPOINTED.

  37. BATMAM MEET IMMORTALS=HOPEMAN? WTF?, MOVIE FAILURE, I´M DISAPPOINTED.

  38. kwon_sarang

    ”And then, he was froze.”

    Oh, Simon…

  39. Thank you Simon. I didn’t really want to go see this movie anyways, but now I have many more solid reasons in which to give people who will try to get me to watch it anyways.

    ALSO.. this is my new favorite quote. “Anywhoodle, doodle poodle.” ^_^

  40. Rebecca Ann Folkes

    Ditto bro. I haven’t seen Star Trek: Into Darkness yet but I plan on it very soon, I was planning on seeing Man of Steel but I think I’d rather see ST:ID twice in a row.

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