Time for another movie review! Hooray! Let me start by saying that we were super excited to watch this, and both super nervous. I cut out roughly 45 seconds of this movie review in which I talk about how much knowledge I have on Wolverine. I freaking love Wolverine. Martina loves Wolverine. We both love Wolverine. We’ve read well over 100 Wolverine comics, and we know his story line and personality very well. So, when we saw that this movie was going to take place in Japan, we were excited, because we know of Wolverine’s timelines in Japan. We know about Mariko and Yukio and the Silver Samurai and all that, and that story line wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t the best of the Wolverine stories. “Old Man Logan” was pretty freaking amazing, and the “Wolverine: Origins” comics were really interesting. A lot of Wolverine Vol 3 was great altogether. The story in “The Wolverine” movie, though, was just…lame. Not only from a comic lover’s standpoint, but also just from a…well just from a general standpoint. It tried to be a superhero movie, kinda tried to be a falling in love story, and fell short of both.

It wasn’t terrible though. It was watchable. But Wolverine as a character in this movie was so boring. I don’t really know what redeeming or interesting qualities he had. He saw Mariko and decided to save her life and get close to her, but he sucked at being a hero and he sucked at being a boyfriend as well. How did they get so close so quickly? I didn’t really see where the connection was.

He fought a few Yakuza idiots at the funeral, fought a few more on the train (and, I’ll admit, that scene was badass), but then the rest of his fights were kinda boring. He fought Mariko’s father at the end but it wasn’t a great fight. He fought the Silver Samurai bastardization and that wasn’t a great fight either (“Oh! Hold with two hands to make sword toasty!). It was just…meh.

But there was one part that was golden: remember that scene in the movie when he gives the fiancee 10 words to explain? THAT’S WHAT WOLVERINE IS ALL ABOUT. That scene really captured what he’s like, and that was the high point of the movie. The rest of the movie didn’t live up to the characterization of Wolverine from that moment. Ever see the Mel Gibson movie “Payback”? Wolverine’s like Mel Gibson, but with claws and a lot shorter temper. He’s freaking awesome. We saw it in this scene, but not really in any other scene. He almost felt like a supporting character in the movie, rather than the main character. Side note: I’m also not too sure how he and Yukio just walked into the guy’s apartment. Did they have keys?

I also didn’t understand Yukiyo’s powers of predicting people’s deaths. It was only used to create a fake sense of suspense when Wolverine was pulling out his bug, but – come on – NOBODY in the theatre was worried that he was going to die. NOBODY. It’s like bomb-timers in movies. ERMAHGERD 10 SECERNDS LERRFT TILL EXPLERRSERRNN! Pfft. They never go off. They just create a fake sense of suspense. Same with Yukio’s prediction powers, which were useless to the plot of the movie for Wolverine’s heart-bug surgery scene.

I am a bit concerned, though, that I missed out on a lot of the movie, because there weren’t English subtitles for the Japanese dialogue. I don’t think anything happened in there that contradicted anything said in my review, right? Talk between Mariko and her dad, and talk between Mariko and her ninja buddy. Do let me know if I’m wrong about this, though. I’m not fully set in my ways against this movie. Mariko was given the entire company because…?

Overall verdict out of the three movies I reviewed thus far: better than Man of Steel, worse than Iron Man 3. This wasn’t a terrible movie, but it wasn’t satisfying in many ways. All three movies have the same issue of having really freaking confusing villains who don’t make much sense.

Oh! And if you like these little move rants, you should probably subscribe to our YouTube channel, Open the Happy, which we don’t post to often, but we do from time to time!

ToFebruary
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