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Speaker’s Corner – Cross Cultural Dating

April 4, 2015

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Sorry for the delay on our You Are Here cafe Speaker’s Corner videos! For those of you that didn’t know, we were in Toronto for a week and then we flew out to the Dominican Republic for our friend’s wedding. We tried to upload this video from DR but the internet at the hotel made it impossible.

So this is a very interesting topic! Would you date someone from a different culture or do you think it’s too difficult? Growing up in Toronto meant that it was easy to meet and date someone that was not from the same culture as you. Even basic things like just seeing people of different cultures at your school or in your neighbourhood was normal, but that is not the norm in Korea. Korea is a country that is very homogeneous. If you’re not Korean, you’re the mega minority. In fact, it’s less than 2% of people in Korea that are not Korean. If you’re Korean-American, you are Korean looking and thus blend into Korea a bit better. However, you still have very different perspective based on where you were raised. A lot of people think of different cultures as just being based on your skin colour or race but ask a Korean-American and they’ll tell you how difficult it can be to relate to Korean people who are raised and living in Korea. Both are Korean but culture has a lot more to do with just language and looks. Where you are raised imparts both subtle and not subtle differences on how you think and behave. From signs of how to show affection, dating and courtship dos and don’ts, the food you crave, or even the things you find funny are part of your culture. I think dating someone from a different culture can absolutely add richness to your world and open your eyes to what other people deem important but I also think it can be hard work and require a lot of patience to make an effort to understand the other person fully. Once you understand that person, you’ll have to understand their family next if it becomes serious.

We get a lot of emails/messages from people asking us “if we think they can date Korean guys/girls when they come to Korea”. We never respond to these messages because we can’t speak for all Korean people! Yes, of course there are Korean people that are open to dating people from different cultures, but no, we can’t tell you if that applies to everyone. Also, just because you are physically attracted to someone does not mean you’ll get along with them. We’ve seen a lot of mixed culture relationships in Korea fail before they even start because one person is texting too much and the other isn’t responding enough. Just the basic flirting differences between Korean culture and other cultures is enough to end it!

Personally, I think everyone should be at least open to dating people from different cultures. If you’re not attracted to someone I’m not saying force yourself, but I never understand when people just refuse to give it a try because “it’s just too complicated”. After all, just because you’re open to dating someone doesn’t mean it will actually work out. You may not even get past the first date so if you do like someone from a different culture, just give it a shot! Some people will find a fantastic lifelong partner and both sides will gain a new cultural richness to their lives.

So what do you think? Are you open to dating someone from a different culture? Have you already? What were the biggest difficulties or differences?

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Speaker’s Corner – Cross Cultural Dating

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  1. Actually this is a main problem in asia hemisphere nowadays.. admittedlly some our asian brother are craving preferably, alienly toward namely “western women”. in the past decade i really know nothing about these phenomenon in asia till i plagued by so many check out in internet from our relative member in 2010. yeah.. fethizism and exotism of the western people i though are well knowing for asian females liking western men in early past.. but soon i realize many my asian brother start joining in part of “torturing race camp”. like you know i’m an “left wing” Asian male and my asian relatives are. years of years i always learn about culture and race outside asiansphere never think by me western women before.. but i notice so many distinc comparable among western men and women.. both of them i know are favorable for our asian sister. in reverse its really not happen.. asian women view western people as exotic being, soft creature, open minded and of couse sexually motivated.. in other hand many asian males (not just me) seen westerner as threats and great forward rival.. in case spreading multicultural and multiracial ideology.. in reality many asian males always make effort for prevent themselves from international constellation and any other western championship. its simply asian males are not interested mix with western society in general and many of us are hiddenly and silently hostille not only to western society but western kids and motherhood tho.. in same of notification i still believe Asian male into white women are really not going happen even in 2015.. sure there is happy family who have coincide of this form relationship.. but still in many high percentage asian women are love love love and lick western men and women in high maintenance.. compared asian males to white women

    4 years ago
  2. The last guy completely broke my heart :'( I wish all the best for you and your boyfriend. One of my male Korean friends actually married abroad but it is sad that his marriage will not be recognized in Korea… Hopefully he can live a happy life and get all the respect he deserves someday. I have been in a relationship with a Korean guy for 3 years now. Personally I find it exciting and rewarding but it has been a bumpy ride. Sometimes I get easily annoyed when people question our relationship or are envious of my situation. Like it is anybody’s business! This is a lot of hard work and I have nothing but respect towards anybody in the same situation. Stay strong peeps! Love from Finland.

    5 years ago
  3. I am an American and I dated a Korean guy in college for a short while. We got along well amongst each other. Although he lived in the states long before we met. Meanwhile his parents were back in Korea. We did not have issues adjusting to each others differences. The biggest problem we had was with his parents. They only spoke Korean so we could not communicate amongst each other well. Also because I am half Mexican they did not want their son dating me. Eventually we decided to part ways not because of cultural differences or racism but because our schedules did not align well. On the other-hand, even though we did not last I believe others can and should not be discouraged from individual’s stories. If both people are open-minded and have the willingness to keep on keeping on then I’d say go for it!!

    5 years ago
  4. I am an American and I actually dated an English man for a year. It was definitely challenging learning about our cultural differences as we went, but I lived in England at the time so I more so felt the pressure to understand and adapt to his culture than I think he felt for me. I think if he had come to America he would have felt the same. I have since been widely open to dating outside of my culture, but I think what is important is whether both people are open to the other culture. In my case I find immersing in a different culture fun and exciting and I think in a way if you are willing to embrace a new culture than dating is not too hard to consider and I think you have to consider that you cant live in both countries. So, despite how open both of you are, I think one or both of you have to be comfortable enough to live out your life in the other person’s country and adapt to that culture, you will be expected to abide to their traditions and customs more. The other person will be living more in their comfort zone, so I think that is important to realize. My biggest concern has always been traditional values of other cultures, a lot of importance is put on the mother-in-law and I come from a very dysfunctional family and don’t have typical parents i can always support and rely on, and I always worry how this would impact a potential partner’s image of me, or their family’s image of me. I feel like if you were to date or marry someone eventually your parents meet each other but I am concerned that because of cultural differences a non-american man and family may view my parents as a reflection of me and judge me based on them – more than an american would.

    5 years ago
  5. wow, the gay guy at the end… props to you for going in and answering that! that was really interesting and refreshing (though a bit sad too) but hey, it reflects the reality of how things are.

    I actually visited the cafe about 2 weeks ago when you had that question up! but i was too chicken to go in by myself and also, i don’t live in Korea so I didn’t really feel like I had the right to answer that question… next time i’ll say something!!

    5 years ago
  6. I’m not sure if it’s okay for me to leave a request but…I’m going for it :) It was very disheartening to hear from the young man who is gay regarding his life in Korea and how he wouldn’t stay there. As a Korean American, it makes me ashamed that my country (either of them) would perpetuate ignorance and hate towards someone because of their sexuality. Do you think you guys could do a TL,DR or a Speaker’s Corner even on homosexuality in Korea? (Sorry if you’ve already covered it. I’ve watched a bunch of TL,DR’s but I can’t quite remember if there’s one about being gay in Korea, but maybe it needs an update anyway??)

    LOVE THE SPEAKER’S CORNER VIDEOS!!!! My husband and I always watch them together as soon as they’re posted!

    5 years ago
  7. My father immigrated to the US from Croatia and my mother is Ashkenazi Jewish-American. They ended up getting divorced eventually, but I don’t think it was predominantly because of their cultural differences, relationships can crumble for many reasons.
    A big reason why I don’t think there wasn’t a lot of cross-cultural tension between my parents was because my dad embraced American/Jewish American culture and rejected Croatian culture in multiple ways. I don’t know how many multi-cultural relationships end up with one of the partners assimilating to the culture of their significant other, but I imagine it isn’t all that rare.
    Personally, I have absolutely no reservations about dating someone from another culture. To me the ability to think critically and be open to new ideas is more important than whatever cultural path leads you to these skills. Also, obviously emotional, physical, and intellectual compatibility are also really important regardless of origin. And although I truly believe I would date someone from another culture, the only two serious boyfriends I’ve ever had are both from the American South, where I grew up, even though I live over 3,000 miles away in California. So, in truth, maybe I’m not as open minded as I would like to think I am.

    5 years ago
  8. My mother is german and my father from Tunisia. I can say that marrying someone from another country/culture wouldnt be a problem for me at all. But there are very importants things that you and your partner have to share. The Language is such a thing. If you cant talk properly in at least one language, the relationship probably wont last long. At first it may seem sweet if you try to learn each other languages and communication with just a few words will work. But having deep conservations and sharing each others thoughts, is really important for an relationship. The other thing is sharing the same religion or moral standards. For example one of the two is developing and wants to practise his religion in a certain way, but the other one isnt willing to compromise or wants to practise his religion in a complete other way. Having different cultural backgrounds is a challenge but having the same beliefs will make a lot of things easier.
    As a kid I was a torn between two cultures and sometimes I only wanted to have a normal family. Now I can say I learned so much from it. I’m able to adjust to a culture much faster or learn a new language. I dont see myself as a tunisian or german. I see myself as someone who lives on this world.

    5 years ago
  9. This is such an interesting topic and I would love to hear more about it. Especially the guy at the ends perspective.
    I am Caucasian and married to another Caucasian but I would have been open to dating any race/culture. I think family can be difficult no matter what culture you are. I have problems with my husbands family sometimes. The experience and insight into dating someone different would be really exciting.

    Please keep talking about this topic, it’s fantastic.

    5 years ago
  10. I am the daughter of immigrants from the Dominican Republic. I moved down there when I 15 and came back almost two years ago. I used to think I only wanted Dominican guys but BOY, did that change. I’ve had nothing but negative experiences investing my feelings into Dominican men, and even Latino men in general (not that guys from any other background ever liked me back) but, man, it was ridiculous. You give these bastards the smallest amount of attention and their ego just gets INFLATED. Granted, this isn’t to say they’re all alike that because I don’t know that for sure but as far as the handful I’ve liked goes, that was the end result. ALWAYS. Being led on and humiliated publicly just because I liked them.
    So in con-freaking-clusion I am a-okay with the idea of dating a guy from a different culture. He could be Korean, Indian, Irish, African-American, Gringo, WHATEVER (as long as he’s a Christian, and not just by label but by lifestyle!) Just don’t ask me to date a Dominican guy. Ain’t gonna happen.

    5 years ago
  11. I think dating someone who is part of another culture is amazing! In my life, I’ve never had a long term relationship with someone of my own culture, sometimes it is difficult, there is compromise, but isn’t there in any relationship? I am currently dating a Chinese man. We met while I was teaching English there and we fell in love. Sadly I had to leave China and it has been almost a year since I last saw him. The cultural difference has been challenging, but we love and care for each other so much it doesn’t matter. I think patience and understanding is what is a really important factor in whether or not a relationship (cross-cultural or otherwise) will work. My boyfriend and I plan on getting married someday, but until then we have to live thousands of miles away from each other.
    But seriously, I hope people don’t let another culture scare them out of experiencing what could be an amazing relationship!

    5 years ago
  12. I like my kpop boys just like any other straight, teenage girl (I live in America and have European origins) and ALL I WANT IS TO HAVE AN ASIAN BOY but ya I’m just a kid still so if you were a kid once (and everyone was believe or not) then you’ll get everything. Although I am American and Americans seem to have this “stigma” around them that the girls are more slutty and wild or crazy, I am really the opposite of that. I think at heart I am more Korean when it comes to those things because I just hate people touching me and I am already not the kind of person to want to kiss someone in front of other people.

    5 years ago
  13. Silly question isn’t it? For people who are already into Kpop?

    5 years ago
    • No, no it’s not.
      I think you overestimate the percentage of people following EYK because of K-pop. Yes, there sure are some but liking music and dating are two seperate things.
      Do I think korean boys look fine? Sure, some of them do, some don’t (just like any other country). Does that mean I would be willing to date? No, no it would not. It all depends on wether that person is able to communicate, and so far, I’ve not met many who fall under that category.

      I’m not hating or anything, I just think it really is not a silly question.

      Cheers :)

      5 years ago
  14. Having relationships across cultures can be a wonderful thing. I’m a white American guy married (for almost 14 years) to a Filipina. I have dated across many cultural divides – Hispanic, Asian, African-Portuguese Creole, Black American … and it is true that family has a great deal to do with how the relationship goes.

    Sometimes it is easy to cause offense by ignorance – saying things that you didn’t think about, not focusing intently on relatives when you are around them (especially Mom) … you have to have loads of patience and even when you are exhausted or confused it is very important to focus on their family when conversations and situations occur – even though you naturally want to focus on your partner. You can pay attention to him or her later – pay attention mostly to his or her family when you are with them.

    There will be times when you can not make a relationship with them, though. It amazed me the level of prejudice I got in certain quarters was as bad as or worse than anything I ever heard living in the redneck parts of America about people who aren’t white – and in both cases it is just ignorance based on education and fear.

    I am fortunate that in my current family both sides don’t have racial issues with my wife. Frankly, I get along a lot better with my wife’s family better than I do mine. Filipino families don’t have anywhere near the “take offense at every disagreement and hate each other for decades” thing – too much Irish, German, and Scottish blood … they actually like to argue with each other and then get over it quickly.

    The most important things are to be patient, have a sense of humor, and listen … and to be entertained and take joy in the rich culture and family of your partner.

    5 years ago
  15. I have dated men from various countries, and the general cultural differences didn’t bother me as much as some differences of expectations from relationships and dating culture.
    I dated an American guy (I’m French) and it took someone else to explain to me how dating does not necessarily mean being a couple in the US, which was a completely foreign concept to me. I decided to comply to his perception and got less out of this relationship than I wanted. It was a mistake; I know now i should have been more assertive of what I wanted and really ask myself if he was worth it.
    With a Korean guy a few years later, communication was better, but the dating wasn’t. Basically, it seemed that he was more interested in dating the white girl I was than dating me. He was too serious too soon, sharing love songs on Facebook and texting me hearts when we had known each other all of three weeks. He did not take it well at all when I broke up and chased after me instead of respecting my decision. I’m not saying these are Korean things, maybe he was just weird.
    My Japanese boyfriend was an amazing guy, but quite inhibited as Japanese people tend to be, so it was difficult for him to speak up about what he wanted out of the relationship even tough I really encouraged him to.
    In the end, so far I’ve clicked with Europeans better, but that’s not to say I’m opposed to dating people of different cultures. I think what’s important is trying to understand the other person and explain your own culture whenever you feel that there’s a misshap. Communication is key!

    5 years ago
  16. Ang

    I really enjoy reading about this topic and other people’s experience and opinions. As for me, i was married to my ex-wife who was caucasian but now, i am engage to an asian woman from cambodia. I think it’s ok to date people outside of your culture or race but the safest and most beneficial relationships in terms of marriage is people who share the same or similar culture or race.

    5 years ago
  17. Personally I think to say you would never date outside your culture is really closing yourself off. I’m not saying people HAVE to date outside their culture, but really, just interacting with people outside your culture teaches you SO MUCH. Even if it’s not dating. You learn more about the world, cultures outside your own become so much more real, and you really learn about yourself too. The key is trying to make it work. No relationship will work if both parties are unwilling to to make small sacrifices for one another, to communicate honestly, forgive one another, and put the important things first. Any relationship you can think of isn’t going to work if you don’t put effort into it whether it’s someone from another culture or from the same culture.

    5 years ago
  18. I am a Korean American lesbian dating a Malaysian woman from Australia. Since neither of us can safely introduce each other to our respective families, we have created our own life together. It helps that neither of us are very imbued in our culture — our biggest difference is due to personal choice as opposed to culture (I am vegan, while she eats everything). I do have to say that I have mostly dated Caucasians in the past, and dating another Asian woman feels a bit easier. She totally understands that I cannot introduce her to my family, she knows her way around the Asian grocery store, and we both are somewhat familiar with Asian pop culture. But most importantly, she is understanding, patient, and compassionate — as far as I am concerned, even if she was not Asian, if she still had those qualities, she would be for keeps.

    5 years ago
  19. My parents don’t really care if I dated someone that was of a different culture. Honestly, I have relatives who are either half Japanese half Chinese, or half Chinese half Caucasian. So it really does not phase me.

    I will say this about Chinese culture though, I was told that marrying a Chinese guy brings better benefits. If I marry a traditional Chinese man, then his family pays for the wedding. I don’t think a lot of people follow this tradition anymore since most families share the cost of weddings and there are a lot of people who marry cross culture, but it’s still somewhat important.

    My bf is Chinese as well, but we do have culture clash. That’s because of regional culture clash and China having a big region where depending where you’re from, you have different tastes, thoughts, and speech. I am Southern and I don’t eat foods with too much spices or salt. I’m like Jackson from GOT7 when eating overly spicy foods, where you feel pain with a certain amount of spicyness. He is Northern where he loves spices, often thinks the food I eat is bland because there are so few spices.

    5 years ago
  20. I used to think that dating and marrying someone from another culture would be no big deal. I grew up in NYC so being up against different cultures was a common, everyday occurrence. But, as I got older, I really started to think about what being a family meant, especially in an extended sense as so many East Asian families are. I’m Chinese and my mom speaks limited English. She’s expressed that while she wishes her children to be happy, she would also like us to marry a Chinese person because of the language barrier; she would feel isolated if she couldn’t communicate with her future son-in-laws. And while, that sentiment doesn’t make me NOT want to date and marry a non-Asian, it would make me consider how willing they would be to learn the language and participate in our customs, just as I would in their’s. I mean, it’s hard enough to decide who goes where during Thanksgiving and Christmas (in America, at least), add cultural customs to the pot and it becomes a little more complicated!

    Also, just wanted to say, I really appreciated Kieran’s comments about being gay in Korea. It highlighted issues I never thought about and it’s important to talk about.

    5 years ago
  21. Am Peruvian living in NY for most of my life. I live in a very Central American/African American community. A lot of people who move away from there home country but still live in a community of people of there native country tend to stick to there cultures longer. Since I actually don’t know any one from Peru here whew I live, I have picked up a lot of different speech and an habit from other countries. When I go out away from my community people usually have a hard time guessing where am from. My mom had always said we should date people from other cultures. “I came to America, why in the world would you still date a Peruvian when you have so many different people of didn’t country. I might have well left you in Peru.” LMAO my mom a trip. My son father is Salvadorian. You think both are spanish speaking countries how different can they be. Let me tell you I can not understand my son father ‘s parents when they speak spanish I need a translator, mind you I been around all kinds of central americans and I thought I could get by. I still never to this day dated another Peruvian. lol I really haven’t
    found any issues dating other cultures But am not terribly attached to anything like Holidays or any culture restriction that my family normally has , which I think is what might hold other people back.

    5 years ago
  22. Wasabi is on to something with what she (I assume) writes, as is Nic. Cross-cultural relationships are hard, whether that’s friendship or dating or marriage (I write this as a Canadian living in the UK married to a South Korean), but whether it’s successful is really down to the individuals and their circumstances, of which culture is only one. My feeling is that Koreans are somewhat negative on cross-cultural marriages because there aren’t that many of them, and because there has been some negative press around Korean men marrying Filipina women. As relationships across cultures become more common, I would expect them to become more accepted (as in fact they have already).

    5 years ago
    • people from many cultures think get married with someone from other culture is a shame for them, shame for culture, because It’s like they don’t respect her / his own culture or they don’t understand why we prefer someone with different physical. there is many people who think is not normal.

      5 years ago
  23. I found it very interesting to hear from the last guy and his experience as a LGBT in Korea. I already knew that it was difficult for them, but it was nice hearing it from the source and his individual struggles he faces. Great post!

    5 years ago
  24. I’m spanish and I marry with Chinese.

    I know in this video the people have opinion because of the experience, but they have to be more open-minded about that.
    Some people say oh ! Too difficult, we had differents mind So it didn’t work, just a bad excuse for immature people. because they dont see the real problem is inside of them. Some people wanna the easy and comfortable, they don’t wanna fight for a relations, they don’t try to accept the mind of another people, they just wanna the other accept them, nothing more. In every relations everything is give and received, not just people with different culture.
    It’s true my husband is not close mind, if we were closed minded our relationship never will work out. He listen my opinions and accept,I listen him and I accept it. If we don’t accept something we talk more and one have to accept.
    The most important is talk. Sometimes it can be misunderstood about something and fight, but you need to talk and be patience about the opinion each other. But we think this problem is just because we are from different country, wrong. People from the same country have different mind also and they get problem as everybody.
    Everybody get separate because finally they have different point of views about the life or love is finish, normal in EVERY relation, But they just madetails excuse about different culture.
    I can’t believe that woman say she is marry with Korean because they can understand each other even when they look just the eyes, and date with foreign is funny, nothing more. How old she is? Are u mature? Do u think if I don’t look to the eyes of my husband I don’t know What he is thinking Because he have different culture?
    Like I said every relationship is talk, understand and be mature. the most people wanna the easy way and they don’t wanna fight.

    5 years ago
  25. I’m spanish and I marry with Chinese.
    I know in this video the people have opinion because of the experience, but they have to be more open-minded about that.

    Some people say oh ! Too difficult, we had differents mind So it didn’t work, just a bad excuse for immature people. because they dont see the real problem is inside of them. Some people wanna the easy and comfortable, they don’t wanna fight for a relatio, they don’t try to accept the mind of another people, they just wanna the other accept them, nothing more. In every relations everything is give and received, not just people with different culture.

    It’s true my husband is not close mind, if we were closed minded our relationship never will work out. He listen my opinions and accept,I listen him and I accept it. If we don’t accept something we talk more and one have to accept.

    The most important is talk. Sometimes it can be misunderstood about something and fight, but you need to talk and be patience about the opinion each other. But we think this problem is just because we are from different country, wrong. People from the same country have different mind also and they get problem as everybody.

    Everybody get separate because finally they have different point of views about the life or live is finish, normal in EVERY relation, But they just madetails excuse about different culture.

    I can’t believe that woman say she is marry with Korean because they can understand each other even when they look just the eyes, and date with foreign is funny, nothing more. How old she is? Are u mature? Do u think if I don’t look to the eyes of my husband I don’t know What he is thinking Because he have different culture?

    Like I said every relationship is talk, understand and be mature. the most people wanna the easy way and they don’t wanna fight.

    5 years ago
    • Sorry for my bad english and write fast, even I sent two times.

      5 years ago
      • I’m so happy you took the time to leave such a long detailed comment! :D

        5 years ago
        • Thanks Simon and Martin to write here, makes me happy <3

          I read some comments up about the beneficitial is get marry with same culture. Wrong, for me.
          One thing I learnt about marry with my chinese husband is not judging another people because every time I step the street with my husband that they judged us. So finally I got ignore them. I grew up more in my open-mind than before and many rich things bring me in my mind and life. So I think talk about beneficial depends what is beneficial for every one. Like I said before the people wanna the easy way.

          It doesn't matter if you didn't connect with asian people in your relationship if I read again they connect with the people from the same culture but the relationship didn't work also, funny right?
          The conclusion about this is, better same culture, my conclusion reading about this is, they didn't work even is same or different culture because you didn't find the right person.

          5 years ago
  26. Im a Czech-American so I have grown up in two completely different cultures. I have lived in Prague for most of my life and spent time with both American and Czech communities. I think, personally, that it is a lot easier being either in a relationship or just being friends with someone from a different culture than many people may think. In Prague it is something that will be unavoidable for historical reasons (we have an incredibly high percentage of Vietnamese immigrants and hence many of my friends are Vietnamese) as well socio-political reasons. Most of my friends in Prague are from a mixed background — Czech/Swedish, Slovakian/Czech, Russian/Czech, and we have all been in relationships with people from different cultures and have best friends from different cultures. It is something we take for granted because we are used to learning about new cultures and having friends from all around the world. My best friend is Korean and has been since I was 11. While it is difficult trying to talk to each other due lack of time on both of our parts our long distance friendship is not unmanageable. We haven’t seen each other for seven years but we still feel just as close as we did when we were 11. My friends and I save up money to go see our friends from around the world — a friend of mine has a girlfriend in France. A thing a lot of my friends do is compare the countries that we have dated people from and how each relationship was different. One of my best friends loves Estonian guys because he could relate to the hardships from Cold War Eastern Europe. Another friend loves Brazilian guys because they tend to be a lot more care free that Czech guys. Living in Prague in terms of cultural diversity is so unlike many other countries and cities in Europe because for us it is very very normal to be in relationships and be best friends with people from different cultures.

    5 years ago
  27. Damn, I wasn’t in it! Maybe part 2! Haha, just kidding, I doubt I will be in it. I think it could be beneficial for some people, provided they were both able to speak a common language, due to the importance of communication in a relationship, I feel that it would be borderline impossible to keep a healthy relationship if you struggled to communicate. Language aside, issues could arise from difference in culture I suppose, maybe different morals and stuff. For the most part (from what I have observed in the month that I have been here) Korean culture seems pretty similar to that of western culture, excluding the whole age hierarchy thing(I could totally be wrong… I am only a month into my exchange trip).

    In the end, I feel that if someone wants to date someone from a different culture, they should do so. They shouldn’t be afraid of the culture differences separating each other, they should embrace them to get to known own another better.

    5 years ago
  28. I’m an Indonesian who has been dating a German for over 2 years now. Previously, besides fellow Indonesians, I have dated a Turkish, a Canadian (from Quebec), a French and another German. Personally, I think that dating someone from a different culture is really exciting since it really broadens my knowledge about things, brings me into different perspectives and teaches me to be more understanding about other cultures. I would say that the biggest difficulties would be the mindset and lifestyle because we were raised in very different cultures and values so we see things in quite contrasting points of view. Sometimes communication is also a challenge at some level because there are things that are kinda difficult to explain in English (although we both are pretty much fluent in it). So far, our different backgrounds really enrich our relationship.

    5 years ago
  29. Great blog post! It’s always interesting to me, and slightly upsetting, when someone declares that cross cultural relationships are too hard because they dated ONE person and it didn’t work out. Relationships end for all types of reasons and if cross cultural relationships ALWAYS end because of cultural reasons, well shouldn’t all relationships between 2 people from the same culture always work out? But of course they don’t. There are so many reasons why a relationship ends and personality is going to play a huge part. People adapt and learn and the benefits and cultural richness (like you guys said in the blog post) is priceless.

    5 years ago
    • That’s people not wanting to admit fault for things going badly. People always look for a scapegoat when they screw things up and cultural differences are an easy target. If they really didn’t do anything wrong, for example if their partner was cheating on them, they’ll have no problem calling that out as the issue because they don’t need to admit they did anything wrong; they didn’t, after all, their partner cheated on them. But if it’s because they didn’t communicate their expectations properly then it was definitely cultural differences that made the relationship fail. After all, there is 0 difference between dating 2 different people of the same culture, so they should have known your expectations telepathically. That mentality is just how most people work. They can’t admit to being wrong so they look for anything that can take the blame off them.

      5 years ago
  30. This was really interesting for me. I’m mixed, but grew up in an American military household. My foreign mom acclimated really quickly to American culture and customs, so that’s how my brother and I were raised. I’ve dated mainly Americans, but culture wasn’t really something we thought of because we were exposed to so many.

    Now I have a lot of Korean friends and we have discussed dating non-Koreans. A lot of them don’t. They stay within their social circles, but at the same time, they are here in America and want to stay here and know more about culture and places.

    With dating and being with someone, you get to choose that. How much effort, who you’re attracted to, etc. It’s all different.

    5 years ago